上海

As you can see there have been some changes to MSG FX. That is, if you've been here before. If this is your first, and probably last visit to my blog, trust me, it was different before.

Anyway, tell me if it looks like crap. If there's some harbor stuff floating around like pictures of boats and rocks let me know. I don't trust my preview, and as I've mentioned before, I can't actually access my blog either. Although my technical and design staff claim they to know HTML on their resume, I think that's actually just a comparison to most the people jerking around in cyberspace. Comparatively, I understand how to make a webpage more so than other people.

This change was spurred on because I'm no longer in Lin'an. I thought I'd leave the darkness and black of my old blog as I moved into the light of a new location. Shang to the hai. That's right, I am now living in Shanghai full time and it's fabulous.

Friday night, my first night here, I went to a 1970's roller disco party. Oh yeah. I was wearing argyle socks and the shortest skirt ever (probably because I borrowed it off my much shorter and smaller roommate.) It was spectacular. I haven't skated in a long time, but I did alright. My worst fall was when I was standing absolutely still talking to someone. The skirt flew up, my ass was smashed, and my drink was everywhere. I blame the alcohol. Maybe I wasn't standing absolutely still.

So anyway, this is good. Right now, I'm loving it here. And the French ruined Europe.

just relaxin'

"So I am constantly torn between extreme emotions. It is a place that is under my skin. If I don't go back for a long time I miss it and become restless. But it's not a place to relax."

Anyone who has spent any amount of time in China feels this way. It's a cult and somehow I've been sucked into it. I don't know when I was fully dragged into China, but when I read Wild Swans at 15 I was already hooked. So of course I'll probably read this Mao book. And I've read about Mao. I know about Mao. He's not a good guy, but he's the only thing close to a God the Chinese will ever have, and that should say a lot.

When my Mom and I were up in Beijing I overheard a conversation of some Americans speaking to a Chinese guy at the table next to us.
"I'm sorry for my ignorance, but is Mao still in charge?"
I wanted to throw my drink at her and yell at her for being such a Moron. We should exile these people to an island somewhere. They can afford a five star vacation in China but won't take the time to read a little history (or current events) before they get here. There is just so much wrong with that question I just don't even know where to begin.

"...is Mao still in charge?..." What a fucking idiot.

I am part of a cult.

when you don't recognize your own face

Occassionally when I'm out and about I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a store window or passing bus and realize how much I actually do stick out here. It's always a little surprising.

A little while back I ran across a quote by some terrible British politician visiting some UK students studying in Shanghai. I was going to post it but I can't find it now. It was something along the lines of, "Don't stay here too long or you'll go all slanty-eyed." I don't know the exact words, but 'slanty-eyed' was definitely in there.

Only on the inside my obsequious friend.

Anyway, I don't have much to say about China right now. It's actually almost lovely in the Spring. Almost.

They have this fruit here that looks like rasberries but are bigger. And a little more tart. I don't know what they're called, but they're yummy. Especially with Lychies.

bird flu in china

I did see some very suspicious looking birds today. Remind me not to eat chicken, or any other kind of bird. That is very, very difficult here. And I'm a vegetarian. Maybe I'll just get hepatitis.

It's come to my attention that the FEC is trying to regulate internet, particularly blog, political content in the US. My blog may be blocked in the People's Republic of China, but this is fucking China. Not to sound like an over zealous Republican, but what about the First Amendment? I know it died with the Patriot Act, but this is the internet for Christ's sake. From what I've read, the FEC is going to hold blog sites responsible for political content and enforce through fines.

Anyway, you can get more information and find out how to submit your public comments (June 3rd deadline) at this site: http://redstate.org/story/2005/5/20/122244/721 or http://acbonin.dailykos.com/story/2005/5/16/113540/339

Before coming to China I dealt with public comment letters sent in regarding an environmental policy. It was depressingly entertaining and a great thing to convince me that leaving America is the right choice. Unless you want to be laughed at, ignored, or photocopied and stuck in every cubicle, try to understand what you're writing about first and sound somewhat intelligent. Like, what I wrote above wouldn't be acceptable.

I haven't actually ever sent in a public comment, but I respect people that do. One day I might, and that day may be soon.

*note - It took me awhile to publish this post. 'They' wouldn't let me. 'They're' already on to me...

soakin' up rays

I was out walking yesterday and somehow managed to get sunburned. Apparantly UV rays can penetrate lead infused air. Since I was wearing a t-shirt I managed to get some very unattractive tan lines. So today I decided to do something about it. I put on a skirt and a little sleeveless top and went and lay on the grass. I wanted to just go out in my bikini, but I thought I'd lighten the shock load.

I found the most isolated spot on campus, so only about 50 people passed as I was lying there. A little kid stood over me for about two minutes eating his icecream and dripping on me until I told him to move. Then he stood with his mother about 3 feet back and they both stared at me, sucking on their popsicle sticks. A guard came by, passed, and then returned.
"Why are you lying there?"
"I live here. My apartment is right there."
"The sun is going to come down and hit you."
"Yes."
"All the sunlight is going to come down on you."
I turned my head and pretended to fall asleep and he left eventually.

I know where he was coming from, since at the slightest hint of sun every Chinese person is walking around with an umbrella. Very Victorian. They even ride around on their bicycles with the umbrellas up. But this is a country where whiteness equals beauty. All the skin creams and face washes are for whitening. Just like our toothpaste.

The tanning wasn't so bad. Now I think I have a more even burn. I was okay with being pale too. I didn't need a tan. I was going to let my skin rejuvenate from it's sojourn in the Southern Hemisphere last year. And if my neck and forearms hadn't burned yesterday making me look like in idiot in anything but a t-shirt, it could have.

Lychee

It's finally Lychee season in China. This is the real reason I'm here. I've been eating them all day. I think I'm going to go on a Lychee only diet. With cheese and tomato sandwiches. Yummy.

A student told me a joke today involving Indians and Chinese. I didn't laugh because I didn't understand what she was saying, and I didn't want her to repeat it so I just told her that I'd heard it already.

The speeches went all right. One student just took the women's suffrage speech from the 1920's. It was a guy, standing up and declaring, "We have bowed to the white male for too long!" He wasn't supposed to plagiarize like that. I'm giving him a low grade. I hope he didn't think I wouldn't notice it was the women's suffrage speech from my own country's history. I feel bad giving a low grade, which probably makes me an awesome teacher, so most of my class will get high grades. Also I don't want to deal with people complaining about their grade.

Alright, I'm bored. I should have gone to Shanghai today, but I missed the bus, so I'm stuck here for the weekend. I'll probably go Monday though. My room is practically all packed up. I'm just waiting now.

hand to mouth... on a higher plateau

I'm not sure if you've been following, but the NY Times is doing a segment on class in America:

"I have the most amazing safety net a person could have," he said, "incredible, loving, involved and wealthy parents."

Fucking brilliant.

So I'm not entirely sure if it's how I look, or my name, or a little of both, but I'm mistaken for being French pretty regularly. I don't really mind. In the past week it's happened to me twice. Both times by French women.
"You're French!"
"Actually, I'm American."
The expression of suprise, disgust, horror, and shock that simultaneously crosses their face makes it all worthwhile.
"Oh."

That is also fucking brilliant.

I think my new career goal is to become a philanthropist. Now all I need is a lot of money to give away.

So what do American kids with too much money, being mistaken for being French, and philanthropy have in common? Probably nothing, but Sex and the City is almost tapped.

fosil man

I was in Shanghai for the past couple days. I found an apartment. Inexpensive, wireless internet, 17th floor, cool roommates. I'll just do a little side by side comparison of my views - Shanghai and Lin'an:



Yep.

In Lin'an I'm having my students give speeches they've prepared tomorow. I had them hand in their topics last class. I said they could speak on anything. Here's what I'm looking forward to, verbatim:

The Future Is Now
Don't let our tears be the last drop of water on earth
Traditional and modern culture
Tomorrow is another day
key Factors to Success
HAKUNA MATATA
Friendship
To Taiwan issue, what should we do?
The English Language
Music
Poet Is Dying or Not
football
Badminton Game
Stress
Communication
Beijing Olympic Game
Protect our environment
lessons from Rain forrest
eco_tourism
Across old Age
globalization
Finding fosil man
Bats
Support domestic products. deny Japanese products
My college lives
Take care of nature.
follow me
friendship
Health
Love and Take care of Nature
If There were No After Life
A little girl held hostage rescued

The next thing I'm teaching is the Socratic seminar. That should be good. Any suggestions for a short text or poem to talk about? I'm thinking maybe some Robert Frost. I haven't fully decided yet.

In preparing for my section on speeches I had them present a famous historic speech. One of my students got up and talked about how Hitler was the greatest speaker of all time because of the amazing way he motivated his troops and led them to victory. If I had said the same thing about the Japanese I probably would have been killed right there.
These are the people that like America.

finish this ____

Hamlet Complex

If you add "WSJ" to your buddy list on AIM you can IM it for the news; or you can have it set up so it IMs you with the news at certain times during the day. For those times when you need something to do.

serenity now

Serenity is the state one reaches when they're in the passanger side of a car as it drives down the wrong side of the road as the driver talks loudly and carelessly on her cellphone, rushing towards an oncoming truck, and the vehicle preventing you from moving over to your side of the road is a police car. You're either going to die in a terrible car wreck, or somehow get out. There is nothing you can do about this situation. Screaming is useless - it will just scare the driver - all one can do is grasp hold of the arm rest and hope that it will all turn good. This happens - or a situation similar to it - every time you get into a car, bus, or any other vehicle in China.

Every driver in China agrees that the roads are terrible here. Usually when they're driving, cutting off 2 cars, 20 bikes, and almost running down 3 pedestrians.

I had a dream the other night that I had to get a snake to bite me because the poison was some kind of medicine or drug or something. A friend (I don't remember who) and I would put the snakes down our sleeve and then watch them as they thrust their fangs into our hands. It hurt like hell. We'd then try to shake them off and they'd slither away. I have no idea what it means but I'm sure Freud would have a field day.

I was looking at aparments this weekend in Shanghai and I don't know why anyone would live anywhere else. One of the places I looked at was like a 5th avenue spread. It was incredible, and only $200/month. Not bad at all. It was kind of shit returning to my Lin'an apartment where the wood flooring is just wood-looking floorpaper (I don't know what one calls wallpaper on the floor). Anyway, it has a lot of holes in it now because every time I move a chair it scrapes through.

the new world order

While researching how to purchase RMB, I ran across this website: http://www.survivalistskills.com/newsitem.htm

I'm not entirely sure what NWO they're promoting here, but it was linked to a neolibertarian website (and I didn't even realize we were tired of the regular libertarians yet.) Anyway, I think the only thing I agree with is that they seem to have something against China, or just an extreme paranoia that it's taking over the world.

Don't worry, it won't. I used to fear (or embrace) that myself, but now I know it never will. They're all just so convinced that they will, that they won't. This bubble they're riding on will finally burst, the reality of their third world situation will come painfully clear to everyone - 1.6 billion people can not all hold a high standard of living - and they will recess to where they were before. The only thing to do is try to grab some of the bubble before it's all over. China can't take over the world. It's not in them. They've had the chance numerous times in history. In 1421 they had it. The best technology, the motivation, they were out there, all over the world before anyone else and then they just withdrew back in. No it won't happen. They're the middle kingdom because they can only stay in this sad little land mass. The borders have been the same for thousands and thousands of years. Europe, Africa, the America's, they've all switched around and changed, but China can not. Not even in abstract economic terms of 'borders'. The thing is that China is just too arrogant to embrace the rest of the world, and really, the rest of the world doesn't know how to embrace China. They're more arrogant than the British Empire and more stubbornly isolationist than America. The borders have stayed the same (yes I realize Tibet and Xinjiang and a couple others are an exception) because they work for everyone.

So although I find most of these paranoid websites to be funny, disturbing, scary, annoying, and entertaining, they have nothing to worry about. Yeah, America will fall, but China won't replace it.

irony

I've stopped drinking Smart. It was killing me. My insides hurt after each bottle. So I bought some "apple tea" at the store. It's just apple cider. It's not as good.

When my mom was here she was surprised at how crowded it was. We went to the ballet in Shanghai. People had brought their kids who were assembling models and running around the aisles. They laughed when intermission was announced and used their cell phone to take pictures of the performance. They talked the entire way through. I listened to a 10-minute conversation between a women and her son sitting behind me about whether one of the performers was a man or a women. It also surprised my mother how little culture the Chinese had.

I don't lie to you. Everything I say in this blog is the truth. Except that the snake baijiu is actually called bujiu and it's made from ginger. They think it's good for your back. Also, baijiu is not made from rice, it's made from some other grain, like wheat or something. I may have lied about something else, but everything else is the truth. My editorial staff is on the ball.

There are a bunch of new foreigners at my university. I've heard through the grapevine that they're from Canada. I haven't spoken to any of them. I no longer live here in my mind. It just pisses me off that I noticed a bunch of new foreigners, and are actually calling them foreigners. I'm going to Shanghai for the weekend tomorrow to apartment hunt.

Nothing else to write about. This is mostly an "I'm still alive (barely)" post. I'm going to go watch some more Sex and the City. I know I shouldn't but there's nothing else to do. I just spent the whole morning trying to explain irony to a bunch of Chinese. Nope, nothing at all.

bamboo

I have been watching Sex and the City for about 48 hours straight. I managed to find the entire bootleg collection on the streets of Shanghai and am now vicariously living in the DVD metropolis.

I only took a short break from watching today to have a class, which I let out early to get a haircut. That was good. I don't know why I decided to get my hair cut in Lin'an when I could have had it cut in Shanghai last week, but I just couldn't procrastinate any more. I went to the local stylist out the back gate of my university. My man was dressed all in black with a simple grey and white boa wrapped around him, and of course, not gay at all. As soon as I sat down in the chair everyone else came over to me and started petting my hair. I'm not kidding. I literally had four people surrounding me and picking up my hair and twirling it in their fingers and stuff.

Anyway, eventually they all got off me and I think the cut went okay, despite the fact that my hair was completely and totally dry. With my hair it doesn't matter. Unless one side is half the length of the other, you won't notice anything is different. Seriously, it's looked the same since I was 4. I'm not kidding at all. I think after I left they collected the hair on the ground as souvenirs. I think you get arrested for that elsewhere in the world.

As I was leaving my stylist I stopped to buy some tomatoes and cucumbers at the vegetable stalls. I also picked up a bamboo shoot to gnaw on. Bamboo, like celery, is one of the few foods where you burn more calories eating it, than exist in the food. There are a lot of chewy bits. I prefer bamboo to celery though. I like walking down the street chomping on something that could double as a walking stick.

When I got home, I turned on the sex again and continued to chew on my cane. Let me tell you, when you're stuck in a crap suburb in China, the best remedy isn't non-stop, half-hour blurts of parties, cocktails, city, fashion, rich men, and of course sex. No, this is the last thing I should be doing.

more porn

I don't know if I need a warning on my blog now but, clearly, they're not real people. It's art!


"It was a good feeling, everybody went naked and there was this sense of togetherness. There was no shame."

Oh yeah, I'm back in Lin'an.

Tiananmen, Terracotta, and Towers

Well, I'm back in Lin'an. I'm not sure why, and I still can't believe it, but I'm here again. Within an hour of being here my phone was ringing and I was getting text messages. I haven't answered or responded to any of them, but they keep coming. Absolutely no concept of personal space or privacy.

Anyway, I won't bore you with vacation details. I know I hate reading a grocery list of activities that people did on vacation. I'm not interested, and I'm sure none of you are. But I did galleries in Beijing (I may have briefly caught a glimpse of Tiananmen in a cab ride), Terracotta Warriors and lamb in Xi'an, and more art galleries, towers, fabulous food, etc in Shanghai. It was really, really good. I got job offers, I lived large, it was a fun time. I accomplished more in the past week then I ever did in 3 months or however long I've been in Lin'an.

But I think I'm leaving here in about 3 weeks. I just can't do it anymore, and now that I have a job offer that isn't with the devil (close, a French-Canadian firm), I really have no reason to stick around. It really is a terrible, terrible town, with way too many Chinese. I really can't believe I came back here. If I had my computer with me, I don't think I would have.

But anyway, here's the story: As I was walking back to my hotel on the last day in Shanghai to get my bag for my bus ride back to Lin'an, two guys on a bicycle ran into me. Here's what the situation looked like. The guys on the bike are BG and I'm N:

BG
__BG
___BG____| (they start shouting out "HELLO, HELLO" here.
___BG____|
___BG____|
____ _BG_|
____ __BG|(these are to indicate a wall)
_______N|
_______N|note: although very unusual for China, there was
_____N__|nobody else on the sidewalk. This wasn't an accident.
___N____|
___N
___N
___N

So anyway, they ran directly into me, right into my right leg. Needless to say, I was fucking pissed. So I pushed them, pretty hard. Hard enough that the guy in front that I pushed, shoved against his friend behind, and the friend fell off the bike and stumbled back a couple feet, and I say, in Chinese of course, "What is your problem?" Nothing. I repeat, "What is your problem?" Just a blank stare, and so I just marched off and left them sitting there looking like idiots on the sidewalk. I was so mad. I mean, who are these people? What kind of person, runs their bike into someone just because they're clearly foreigners? Fucking terrible human beings, that's who. I'm not a violent person, but I don't feel bad about pushing them. They could have bruised me, hurt me, ripped my pants, and they fucking drove their bike right into me. I wish I would have spit on them as well.

Clearly, I haven't gotten over this event. Anyway, I was so mad that I almost ended up on a plane to Southeast Asia. I was seriously considering just going into my savings, buying a flight to Vietnam. living off 10 bucks a week, around nice people, who aren't Chinese, but I didn't. I came back to lame ass Lin'an. I still should just go.

Just robots with little hands, to make our consumer goods. I need a t-shirt of that in Chinese(小手机器人) to wear every day here. Oh, and my brother, Mark, wants to be credited that comment.