I see you baby...

I spend a lot of time at the gym here. Around 10 hours a week usually. Most expats do. This doesn't mean I'm in shape or look good or anything, there's just nothing else to do. In fact, according to a recent self-assessment, I'm the worst I've looked in about four years. Which, coincidentally, is the last time I was in China. But I'll leave here one day and get tan and good looking and happy again.

When my friend was visiting she was looking through my pictures from last year. We came across one of me in a bikini smiling on a beach. Her response was, "Wow, you look so tan and happy." I was.

Anyway, the gym in China is a great experience. I'll start off with describing the locker room. Whatever modesty exists in China goes out the door in the locker room. You immediately enter a sea of naked bodies. Women are sitting naked everywhere, chatting, putting on various oils, eating food, it's a little shocking. I go in the mornings, so that means I run into a lot of Chinese house wives. They all have scars across their stomachs. I think it's from c-sections, but they're all pretty big, and really not very attractive. A friend of mine also pointed out that a lot of chinese girls have dark circles on their butts. I don't know what that's all about. I don't really feel bad talking about Chinese bodies, because they all just sit around naked and talk about how pink my nipples are and how big my hips are. Yes, I understand what you're saying.

So there are signs posted all over the locker room that are completely and totally ignored. For example, outside the steam room and sauna there are signs for no eating, putting on lotion or hair oil, or talking loudly. The talking loudly one is clearly broken immediately. I don't think there's such thing as an 'inside voice' here. The other day I entered the steam room. I couldn't tell how many people were in there because the steam was pretty thick, but through the mist I heard a women biting into an apple and slowly chewing. The same goes for lychies, peaches, oranges, etc, etc. The sauna is pretty much a salon. People are always putting on lotion and hair oil. Always. So much for signage. I haven't been in the men’s changing room yet, but my roommate tells me there is a sign 'Hair dryers are for the use of head hair only." As he was puzzling over that one day he looked across to see some guy drying his crotch. So that's the changing room.

For some reason Chinese girls like to wrap themselves in saran wrap before they work out. That seems amazingly uncomfortable to me, but so do most of the work out clothes worn. Ski pants are pretty popular. A lot of women walk around in their heals and take them off the stretch and sit on the machines with their friends. A lot of guys where tevas and black socks. There are a lot of black socks. Also jeans, nice tank tops, converse, and carpenter pants are popular.

I think about three Chinese people know how to use the machines correctly. The rest is just an abuse. Sitting on them backwards, thrusting, pushing, it’s crazy. They'll hurt themselves like that. A lot of people like to walk backwards on the treadmills. I don't know what that's about. Also a lot of people put the treadmills at about speed 7.2, which I normally have to jog at, but they walk, holding onto the sides for their lives.

It's hilarious, it really is. The classes are pretty good too. A lot of aerobics and 80's style workouts. It worked for Jane Fonda.

But I have to go to the gym. It's my release. If I didn't I'd have way too much pent up energy. I'd be shoving Chinese in the streets and pushing them off bicycles. I just get on the treadmill, put on my music, think about what pisses me off, and run, run, run.

Who is gay in China?

So apparently there's another 'mystery bug' spreading around China and killing people. Unfortunately for me, and probably everyone in China, all the information concerning it is on BBC news, thus I am unable to access it. Should be interesting. I'm insured.

So I was teaching my Chinese MD last week. We started talking about the state of the world and what not. Anyway, he started laughing (actually leaning back, holding his stomach, laughing out loud) about the bombings in London. The first set he was indifferent to, but the second ignited something greater in him.

"Britain is supposed to be a world power! hahahaha! But they've been bombed!!! hahahahaha! Twice!!!!! hahahaha."

I said nothing and just sat there and looked at him suppressing every desire to say, "Millions of Chinese die in industrial accidents every year. Your government suppresses uprising due to problems relating to excessive industrial and economic growth. All your government officials are corrupt and embezzle from your own state banks. Yet you call yourself a developing country. You'll never get the -ing changed to an -ed, unless there's an under in front of it. You're growth bubble will burst and you'll all drop like flies. And we won't even laugh at you - well I probably will - but the other countries will help you." Like the Chinese, I'm not British; however, unlike the Chinese, I am human.

Anyway, of course I didn't say any of that because he probably wouldn't have understood it anyway. So I assigned Churchill's Iron Curtain speech instead. Back in the good old days when it was okay to talk about the English speaking countries binding together to control the world and China was referred to as Manchuria.

Anyway, this is just a bitter Chinese rant. I was actually having a 'like China' week last week. I don't remember why. I think because I was watching "Farwell My Concubine" and it sort of makes China look interesting. Which leads me to another story. My MD gave me FMC to watch and practice my Chinese. He was telling me how one of the actors had killed himself because he had a mental disorder. Later that week I was reading the City Weekend which had the article 'Who's Gay in China?' (apparently everyone.) Anyway, according to the article the actor killed himself b/c of the gay rumors going around about him. Go China!

i-a

On Wednesday I went to a bar called Tang Hui. I'm there most Wednesdays because my roommate and his blues band play there. It's all dim and red inside with bed like couches and posters of Bob Marley, The Doors, and Che Guervara among others. I was sitting at a table with a PhD student doing his dissertation on post 1949 Chinese film and another student on a grant doing research on corporate ethics. The PhD student did his undergrad at Harvard, but was now at UC San Diego because of the Chinese studies. He normally lives in Beijing but is down in Shanghai on research. He is also working on translating the 'Chinese Odyssey'. The other student had recently returned from a conference on corporate ethics in Moscow. The PhD student brought up how he had run across recently released archives on American journalists living in Shanghai in the 1930's. Although America and Europe was suffering from the depression, American's in Shanghai lived in obscene houses with affluent lifestyles and spent most their time in pubs separated from the Chinese populace. We all noted how the situation was very similar to Shanghai today.

On Thursday I went to dinner at a restaurant called Element Fresh. I had a duck sandwich with slices of apple and split a bottle of South African sauvignon blanc. I was dining mostly with a bunch of undergrads that were in Shanghai for the summer on internships. A little idealistic and optimistic but the food was good. One of the girls was visiting a friend who was out here. She had recently graduated from university and was planning on moving to New York once she finished traveling in China. Although she majored in American History she wanted to pursue a career in dance and was planning on auditioning at a bunch of companies in the city. So sure and full of hope, it just makes you want to burst. We grabbed an after dinner drink at the Ritz Carleton's Long Bar. We sat next to a bunch of WASPs who had just arrived in China and were complaining that cab drivers didn't know addresses. I ignored them but my friend explained to them a service here where you can text message where you want to go and it will instantly reply with the address in chinese and english. Their response was, "You're sober enough to text message?!"

On Friday night I went to see the hip-hop group Far East Movement. They claim to be the only all-Asian hip-hop group from America. When we arrived at the club there were a bunch of 15-16 year old Asian Americans standing around. Two girls got in a bitch fight and were pulling each other's hair while the guys were walking around going, "yo, where we at to next, yo? what about the show, yo?" The even more affluent lifestyle of an American teenager attending American School in China. The Far East Movement debuted their first show in China with the song "Let's give a shout to the Californ-i-a yo!!!! repeat repeat repeat " Everyone was ecstatic.

Last night I was feeling a bit tired so only went out for a proper Shanghai dinner.

I woke up today to go and meet the Shanghai Boat and Yacht Club. I spent the day sailing on a man made lake 45 minutes outside of Shanghai. It was fun. I met a guy who had designed "The New Chinese Yacht." It sleeps seven (which is necessary on a small man made lake.) He hopes to get at least half the population of China interested in sailing and buying his boat. I'm sure that will happen. It was a pretty ridiculous boat actually.

So anyway, that was my week. I don't plan on doing anything this week. I may buy the pirated box sets of Desperate Housewives and Six Feet Under and watch them until my brain starts to ooze and social interaction seems painfully necessary again. There's also an art exhibit entitled Electrospace I may go zone out to for a bit.

I don't have any silly Chinese stories for you today. I thought I'd focus on the ridiculous expats instead. I should probably leave this country soon.

hooters

Yeah I know it's been a while but I've been busy. Seriously. I think I'm developing a life. Or just good dillusions.

Anyway, terrible about London. I really can't believe it happened. It was hard to get news here. The top story on CCTV was how the weather was effecting Chinese consumers. I was here during September 11th. The Chinese reaction to terrorism is extreme indifference. It's just part of being Chinese. The managing director I tutor said terrorism is because of class differences. I told him that most of the terrorists were pretty wealthy. His mind was set. It's all because of the gap between rich and poor.

I kept falling asleep in class today, which is impressive because my largest class is only 3 people. When I was a student I always hoped my teachers would call in sick, I never thought the teachers hoped the students woul be ill. My students taught me how to write my name phonetically in Korean characters. It's pretty cool. I think I'm hooked. I think it even looks cooler than my Chinese name. Maybe I'll start taking Korean. Ha. They've also convinced me to go to Korea. They tell me it's much cooler than China and their main reason is that there aren't as many Chinese around. I'm convinced. It may be a bit on the cold side though. I don't like being cold.

I'm trying to go off MSG. I think it actually is screwing my body up. And my dreams were getting just bizarre. As far as I know I don't think I've had any for about 4 or 5 days, which is really impressive. Of course that means not eating any Chinese food, which is a little expensive, but it may work out for the better.

WSJ just IMed me. Apparantly there's anti-Chinese sentiment in Congress. And I thought I had no respect for the senate.

Anyway, what I was about to write was that I went to a diner on Sunday. There motto is 'no chopsticks required'. I had a taco salad. It was so wrong for so many reasons. The manager was from southern cali and used to work at Shanghai Hooters but decided the diner was more interesting. Yes, communist China has a Hooters. Little asian girls with enormous tits. Actually, I don't really know that, I haven't been yet. Maybe next Sunday.

hot

It's really hot here. Supposedly record temperatures. I"m not entirely sure. I haven't worn pants for weeks. I just walk around in shorts, skirts, and small tops, glisten with sweat, and strip as soon as I enter my house. It's even hot in the middle of the night. I wake up in a pool of sweat every morning. Our electricity bill is going to be through the roof b/c our ac is always on. I'm waiting for the power to go out. That should be good. I'm constantly drinking throughout the day. I've been spending copious amounts of time at Starbucks and other coffee shops just to keep cool. But it's not so bad.

I don't really mind the heat. I'd rather be hot than cold. And a burst of ac when you walk inside is always nice. But it's fighting weather. People are more confrontational in the heat. Or at least I am. Something may happen walking around this mug of a city.

There are a bunch of people with whistles at major intersections that are supposed to control traffic. They're mostly just annoying. Today I was waiting to cross the road. I took a step into the street and the guy started blowing his whistle at me. I wasn't planning on crossing, just wanted to be ahead of the crowd. Anyway, I didn't move. He just sat there blowing his whistle at me and waving his arm. Finally he walked up to me. We stood about a foot apart just looking at each other for a couple seconds. Finally I said, "What?"

He just looked at me with his whistle in his mouth. We were daring each other.

Then I went, "Oh, you want me to step back?"

We both smiled and the light changed and I crossed.

I don't know why I did it. I'm telling you, it's fighting weather.