If you type the names of two cities into google you can get flight times and prices of flights. Google rules. In other technology news the bible is being released for iPod. Only 'Jesus', 'Moses', and 'Abraham' are now 'Steve Jobs', 'Pixar', and 'Macman'. Hey, I'm impressed I knew that many bible names.
I've been sick for the past 5 days. My 7th cold since I've been in China. Which sucks, because not only did I miss the Nanjing jazz festival, but I also missed the closing party for my favorite bar in Shanghai. It's actually moving location because the neighborhood claims they're too loud. It sucks because they're probably going to sell out in a more popular part of town and they're moving to a bigger space. It was a great bar though. I knew the staff and the house band and most of the regulars. They all knew my drink and that when I first arrive I always sat in the corner looking slightly pissed off and drinking until I'd get drunk enough and then I'd jump up and run around talking to everyone. They're re-opening in December at their new location. I don't know where I'm going to drink for the next month.
There was actually another kind of dive bar in the same area. It's a basement bar with graffiti on the walls and dirty Chinese bands. I've actually only been there once before and I was drunkenly spilling my drink all over myself and catching popcorn in my mouth that was thrown at me from across the bar while a bitter guy from Melbourne called me a pleb. I still resent that comment. He was in the same dirty bar I was. Maybe I'll check it out again later this week.
Anyway, I'm occasionally an on-call teacher. I would refer to myself as a freelance teacher, but that's probably taking a catch phrase to the extreme, so I'll stick with the traditional title of 'substitute teacher'. Anyway, I was called up to take over a class this Saturday and I agreed for a little extra cash despite the fact that I was sick.
It was an easy class, they were just having a halloween party. They were all dressed up in costumes - a couple mummies, some monsters, and some thieves. They were pretty pathetic costumes actually. Anyway, we played a game where you take a spoon and use it to feel one of the other students while blindfolded and guess who it is. This of course turned into a disaster with the kids mostly stabbing each other with the spoon and grabbing and jumping on each other.
After teaching kids for a while I've come to the conclusion that you can tell exactly what kind of adult a child is going to become. I know the ones that are going to be yelling hello at foreigners on the street, the ones that are going to driving directly toward me on their scooters holding down the horn the entire time, and the girls who are going to say nothing inspiring or interesting and just giggle a lot.
I was kind of a loner kid that still managed to fuck around enough to be a class clown. In seventh grade English I had a desk near the door. One class I slowly started backing my desk towards the door and then when the teacher turned to write on the board I opened the door and shuffled my desk completely into the hallway. There was a little window in the door and I sat there waving at my friends from the hallway. The teacher didn't let me back in the classroom. I also pulled the fire alarm a couple times that year and there was an incident with the boy's changing room. Also, I remember one time walking into the teacher's lounge, rubbing my eyes and head mumbling, "I just can't deal with these students any more..." as I headed for the coffee machine. I didn't make it. The teachers intercepted me and made me go back to lunch.
But I digress...
So as we were finishing the class all the students had to get up and describe their costume. The Chinese assistant teacher and I had been given feather masks to wear. She said she was a fairy princess because she wanted to marry a rich man. Thank god I was wearing my mask, because I'm sure my look of disgust was scarier then any of the masks the kids were wearing. I said I was a bird (because of the feathers) and I wanted to fly far, far away.
We finished class after that.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Thursday, October 27, 2005
why doesn't the sun set?
Wow, this takes on a whole new meaning to colonial legacy:
Mr Singh will use the Official Table of Drops, published by the British Home Office in 1913, to calculate the correct length of rope for the hanging.
Mr Singh will use the Official Table of Drops, published by the British Home Office in 1913, to calculate the correct length of rope for the hanging.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
fucking pigs
I'm American, and therefore have an interesting and unusual religious background.
My mother was born in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. This used to be a small town, but with the growth of factory outlet stores, the town has boomed. Anyway, it's generally considered the gateway to the Pennsylvania Dutch, otherwise known as the Amish. I'm not Amish though.
My family, is Mennonite. I was actually shocked to learn they have a webpage and a statement about the war in Iraq, because they're not far from Amish. When I was a kid and we used to visit my grandmother, we'd attend a Sunday service at the Lancaster Mennonite Church. We'd drive through the Amish country side, past the Amish in their horse drawn buggies on the way to church, the fruit and vegetable markets, and all the suggestive Amish town name signs (Ball-In-Hand, Intercourse.) And really, seeing all this in middle America is possibly more shocking than anything you'd come across in China.
Anyway, the service would take place in a simple wooden church. Everyone would wear black or dark gray clothing, except my family members and I who would be robed in God knows what. Anyway, we'd all sit patiently in this simple building watching the big grandfather clock tick until it hit exactly 10am. Nobody would speak while waiting. I think it was okay to, but nobody would. It always confused me as a child why we'd wait for 15 minutes before the service doing nothing. I think I thought I was supposed to be praying or something, but really I was wondering why we couldn't just start because clearly everyone was already there.
I don't remember what the services were about. Something about Jesus I think, but they were long and the seats were uncomfortable for me. Regardless, we have a lot of patch work quilts and simple Christian paraphernalia floating around my house. In between the statue from Thailand of the pigs fucking and the woven baskets from Botswana.
So that's one side of my family.
My father was born in Provo, Utah and raised Mormon. I was not surprised to find the Mormon church had a website. If it didn't register as a non-profit it would be the biggest business in America. Anyway, he mostly broke away from the church but most my family on his side still practices.
I can't really tell you much about Mormons either. They don't have horns, they do have a lot of missionaries, and some of them marry multiple wives, but that's a different sect of Mormonism. And there are no Mormon missionaries in China, probably the only place on earth, and really, it's pretty nice.
Anyway, they do have some interesting beliefs about sex. That was taken straight from their website. Homosexual activity is a serious sin. Lovely people. And I've always enjoyed their cure for masturbation. See, I've always had a problem with number 4 myself. Seeing my reflection in the mirror after I've showered would cause anyone temptation.
I don't mean to specifically pick out the Mormons to pick on, give me any religion, ethnic group, nationality, etc. and I'll find something hilariously wrong with them, but the Mormons are just easy. Actually most of them are very nice people and I have several Mormon friends. Or at least acquaintances.
Anyway, this all has a point, not just a sad look at my genealogy.
So I was out at a bar the other day and I struck up a conversation with a guy:
"Where are you from?"
"Boston, you?" (I always say Boston because it's easier, sometimes I mix it up.)
"D.C."
"Oh, where in D.C?"
"Well, I went to Georgetown..."
"Oh, so you're not really from D.C., that's okay, I'm not really from Boston, where are you from?"
"Philadelphia."
"Oh do you know Lancaster?"
"Yeah, actually I live right near Lancaster."(So he wasn't really from Philly either)
"My family's from Lancaster. But I'm actually from Salt Lake."
"No way, I'm Mormon!"
"Are you really?"
"Yeah."
"Well my family's Mennonite."
"No way."
"I swear to God, but my dad was Mormon."
"No way."
"Seriously. I'm not Mormon though, are you really Mormon?"
"Yeah, I really am, I went to seminary and everything."
"Still?"
(holds up his glass of beer)"Well not really. So how weird is this, in a seedy bar in Shanghai, China, two people from Lancaster and connected to Mormons meet."
"And, we both lie about where we're from!"
"Haha, yeah."
"That's fucked up. We probably shouldn't talk to each other any more."
"Agreed."
(We both walk away from each other.)
So, it's a small world after all.
My mother was born in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. This used to be a small town, but with the growth of factory outlet stores, the town has boomed. Anyway, it's generally considered the gateway to the Pennsylvania Dutch, otherwise known as the Amish. I'm not Amish though.
My family, is Mennonite. I was actually shocked to learn they have a webpage and a statement about the war in Iraq, because they're not far from Amish. When I was a kid and we used to visit my grandmother, we'd attend a Sunday service at the Lancaster Mennonite Church. We'd drive through the Amish country side, past the Amish in their horse drawn buggies on the way to church, the fruit and vegetable markets, and all the suggestive Amish town name signs (Ball-In-Hand, Intercourse.) And really, seeing all this in middle America is possibly more shocking than anything you'd come across in China.
Anyway, the service would take place in a simple wooden church. Everyone would wear black or dark gray clothing, except my family members and I who would be robed in God knows what. Anyway, we'd all sit patiently in this simple building watching the big grandfather clock tick until it hit exactly 10am. Nobody would speak while waiting. I think it was okay to, but nobody would. It always confused me as a child why we'd wait for 15 minutes before the service doing nothing. I think I thought I was supposed to be praying or something, but really I was wondering why we couldn't just start because clearly everyone was already there.
I don't remember what the services were about. Something about Jesus I think, but they were long and the seats were uncomfortable for me. Regardless, we have a lot of patch work quilts and simple Christian paraphernalia floating around my house. In between the statue from Thailand of the pigs fucking and the woven baskets from Botswana.
So that's one side of my family.
My father was born in Provo, Utah and raised Mormon. I was not surprised to find the Mormon church had a website. If it didn't register as a non-profit it would be the biggest business in America. Anyway, he mostly broke away from the church but most my family on his side still practices.
I can't really tell you much about Mormons either. They don't have horns, they do have a lot of missionaries, and some of them marry multiple wives, but that's a different sect of Mormonism. And there are no Mormon missionaries in China, probably the only place on earth, and really, it's pretty nice.
Anyway, they do have some interesting beliefs about sex. That was taken straight from their website. Homosexual activity is a serious sin. Lovely people. And I've always enjoyed their cure for masturbation. See, I've always had a problem with number 4 myself. Seeing my reflection in the mirror after I've showered would cause anyone temptation.
I don't mean to specifically pick out the Mormons to pick on, give me any religion, ethnic group, nationality, etc. and I'll find something hilariously wrong with them, but the Mormons are just easy. Actually most of them are very nice people and I have several Mormon friends. Or at least acquaintances.
Anyway, this all has a point, not just a sad look at my genealogy.
So I was out at a bar the other day and I struck up a conversation with a guy:
"Where are you from?"
"Boston, you?" (I always say Boston because it's easier, sometimes I mix it up.)
"D.C."
"Oh, where in D.C?"
"Well, I went to Georgetown..."
"Oh, so you're not really from D.C., that's okay, I'm not really from Boston, where are you from?"
"Philadelphia."
"Oh do you know Lancaster?"
"Yeah, actually I live right near Lancaster."(So he wasn't really from Philly either)
"My family's from Lancaster. But I'm actually from Salt Lake."
"No way, I'm Mormon!"
"Are you really?"
"Yeah."
"Well my family's Mennonite."
"No way."
"I swear to God, but my dad was Mormon."
"No way."
"Seriously. I'm not Mormon though, are you really Mormon?"
"Yeah, I really am, I went to seminary and everything."
"Still?"
(holds up his glass of beer)"Well not really. So how weird is this, in a seedy bar in Shanghai, China, two people from Lancaster and connected to Mormons meet."
"And, we both lie about where we're from!"
"Haha, yeah."
"That's fucked up. We probably shouldn't talk to each other any more."
"Agreed."
(We both walk away from each other.)
So, it's a small world after all.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
2x2x2
For those of you who have never been to China, I should point out that everything is wrapped in plastic. Worse than an old woman's living room. Everything. Like if you buy oranges for example. Each individual orange is wrapped in a little plastic baggy, then put in another plastic bag, and finally put in two more plastic bags for you to carry home. So everything I've eaten for the past 10 months, has spent a considerable amount of time in plastic:
China bans harmful plastic wrappers
My perma-headache becomes less and less of a mystery.
Not much else is going on in the China. Just the usual stampedes and bird flu outbreaks.
My ayi is in the next room folding my clothing into 2inch x 2inch x 2inch squares. Even my jeans. It fits conveniently in my drawers.
I'm off to work.
China bans harmful plastic wrappers
My perma-headache becomes less and less of a mystery.
Not much else is going on in the China. Just the usual stampedes and bird flu outbreaks.
My ayi is in the next room folding my clothing into 2inch x 2inch x 2inch squares. Even my jeans. It fits conveniently in my drawers.
I'm off to work.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Wa ha ha
Halloween is just around the corner, and today I received the scariest ad yet:
Get Ready for Halloween at Carrefour!
There you go. A French company promoting an American holiday in a country where Christianity is a fashion statement, all your ghosts are ancestors, and the people wearing costumes are the most educated and respected artists and scholars.
And really, I think the last thing this country needs is people running around biting each other and choking on their fake plastic vampire teeth. Which are most likely toxic anyway. And probably made in China.
But hey, I can get socks for 1 kuai!
Get Ready for Halloween at Carrefour!
There you go. A French company promoting an American holiday in a country where Christianity is a fashion statement, all your ghosts are ancestors, and the people wearing costumes are the most educated and respected artists and scholars.
And really, I think the last thing this country needs is people running around biting each other and choking on their fake plastic vampire teeth. Which are most likely toxic anyway. And probably made in China.
But hey, I can get socks for 1 kuai!
China Arrest
My god, they're not going to let me leave:
China will shut down borders if struck by bird flu
I'm going to start swimming if this is the case.
China will shut down borders if struck by bird flu
I'm going to start swimming if this is the case.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
$100,000 Holiday
This is amazing:
China to launch space tourist
At only $100,000 they're going to be popping people up there every two days. Until something goes terribly wrong on the second mission.
Clearly I'm still at work.
I also just finished reading this article on 'America is more of an idea than a country'. I like it. I'd rather be a citizen of an idea than a country.
I think the whole idea of a country is pretty lame and, quite frankly, a little juvenile. It's like splitting up teams and cliques in school. This person belongs to that group, and that group hates this groups, and it's really difficult to change groups. Fuck that. I don't need to be in a group or a team, I'm going to go play on the monkey bars.
Also, I kind of resent the whole concept that I have to be part of a country. The UN should create a wanderers passport. You're not part of anywhere, you can go and work wherever you please, pay taxes in the country you live in at the time. It would be great. People ask you where you're from and you say, "I've go the wanderers," and there's no further resentments and only a stereotype of an unstable commitmentphobe. I could live with that.
Only 29 more minutes until lunch.
China to launch space tourist
At only $100,000 they're going to be popping people up there every two days. Until something goes terribly wrong on the second mission.
Clearly I'm still at work.
I also just finished reading this article on 'America is more of an idea than a country'. I like it. I'd rather be a citizen of an idea than a country.
I think the whole idea of a country is pretty lame and, quite frankly, a little juvenile. It's like splitting up teams and cliques in school. This person belongs to that group, and that group hates this groups, and it's really difficult to change groups. Fuck that. I don't need to be in a group or a team, I'm going to go play on the monkey bars.
Also, I kind of resent the whole concept that I have to be part of a country. The UN should create a wanderers passport. You're not part of anywhere, you can go and work wherever you please, pay taxes in the country you live in at the time. It would be great. People ask you where you're from and you say, "I've go the wanderers," and there's no further resentments and only a stereotype of an unstable commitmentphobe. I could live with that.
Only 29 more minutes until lunch.
8 Continents, 5 Oceans
I'm not sure if you all remember the Pearl Orient Tower:
For the past week the top big ball has had a map of the world rotating around on the light display at night. Except they've added an extra continent. It's in between Asia and America. It's all red and sometimes turns to purple. It's not the shape of China, more like an altered Asia. I'm not sure what they're trying to get at.
Ebay is selling Chinese babies now. For that authentic Chinese flavor...
Also the health minister in China put out a 'serious warning' for the bird flu, so I may be dead in a week. If the Chinese government says there may be a problem, half the country is probably already infected.
I haven't done any work at all today. I may not come in next week. I just don't think I can work like this. Not now at least.
The UN can't handle the earthquake relief. Apparently the tsunami and the hurricane has topped our capacity to deal with natural disasters for this year. And we handled both of those so well.
I'm not sure what I'm up to this weekend. Probably another exhibit opening on Sunday. I'm feeling very lazy though.
For the past week the top big ball has had a map of the world rotating around on the light display at night. Except they've added an extra continent. It's in between Asia and America. It's all red and sometimes turns to purple. It's not the shape of China, more like an altered Asia. I'm not sure what they're trying to get at.
Ebay is selling Chinese babies now. For that authentic Chinese flavor...
Also the health minister in China put out a 'serious warning' for the bird flu, so I may be dead in a week. If the Chinese government says there may be a problem, half the country is probably already infected.
I haven't done any work at all today. I may not come in next week. I just don't think I can work like this. Not now at least.
The UN can't handle the earthquake relief. Apparently the tsunami and the hurricane has topped our capacity to deal with natural disasters for this year. And we handled both of those so well.
I'm not sure what I'm up to this weekend. Probably another exhibit opening on Sunday. I'm feeling very lazy though.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
i wouldn't say i've been missing it...
So anyway, I'm at work right now. I've spent the past couple hours reading the news, the Onion, and 'Rants and Raves' off craigslist and I'm pretty much bored. I've made a couple phone calls, sent out a couple emails, but there's nothing going on. I'd rather be in a giant rat suit in a large cage with a bunch of mouse scientists poking various drugs into me. Nice.
The girls outside my office have been talking about the different types of English all day. I'm tired of listening in. Oh right, I have my own corner office, complete with a door and a window. I'm tempted to just walk in one morning, close my door, draw my blinds and either a) go back to sleep or b)get drunk and listen to music. It's not that spectacular though. I think it's actually just a converted utility room.
Anyway, I work near Nanjing Road which is the biggest tourist street in Shanghai. It's supposed to be pedestrian, but there's still some little tourist train car that rides up and down it. The road is always crowded and full of people trying to sell you watches, candy, remote control cars, corn, art, and everything else. For these reasons, I try to avoid going to Nanjing Lu as much as possible. But now I work here, so I can't. I did find a shop that sells little tuna fish sandwich pouches. Not too bad for 30 cents.
I am just trying to kill time here you realize? I may be blogging a lot more now that I'm working.
Anyway, hopefully I'm going to Nanjing next weekend for the Jazz festival. It should be good. I've only been to Nanjing once before and it was rainy and depressing. But I did go to the Rape of Nanking memorial. That is really depressing. Those Japanese really fucked this place up.
Oh also, there's a warning out for more Japanese protests in response to the Japanese PM visiting the was shrine. I don't think they'll pull it together though. But I'd like to see some protests.
The girls outside my office have been talking about the different types of English all day. I'm tired of listening in. Oh right, I have my own corner office, complete with a door and a window. I'm tempted to just walk in one morning, close my door, draw my blinds and either a) go back to sleep or b)get drunk and listen to music. It's not that spectacular though. I think it's actually just a converted utility room.
Anyway, I work near Nanjing Road which is the biggest tourist street in Shanghai. It's supposed to be pedestrian, but there's still some little tourist train car that rides up and down it. The road is always crowded and full of people trying to sell you watches, candy, remote control cars, corn, art, and everything else. For these reasons, I try to avoid going to Nanjing Lu as much as possible. But now I work here, so I can't. I did find a shop that sells little tuna fish sandwich pouches. Not too bad for 30 cents.
I am just trying to kill time here you realize? I may be blogging a lot more now that I'm working.
Anyway, hopefully I'm going to Nanjing next weekend for the Jazz festival. It should be good. I've only been to Nanjing once before and it was rainy and depressing. But I did go to the Rape of Nanking memorial. That is really depressing. Those Japanese really fucked this place up.
Oh also, there's a warning out for more Japanese protests in response to the Japanese PM visiting the was shrine. I don't think they'll pull it together though. But I'd like to see some protests.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
metal rods
As I was going to work yesterday I saw a large crowd of people surrounding an accident. I knew someone had died because of the size of the crowd. I normally just walk by, because I'm not a fan of dead bodies, but since I was up high in my double-decker bus I got the full view.
A guy on a scooter had run into a strip of metal hanging off a three wheel crate in front of him. He had fallen to the side of the road, his arms clenched against his stomach, and his face permanently frozen in an expression of someone who had just been hit fatally in the stomach. His eyes were clenched tightly and his face withered in pain. There was a chalk outline around his body. There was no ambulance and nobody felt the need to cover his corpse. I felt a bit sick for the rest of the day.
Thinking back, I'm not sure how the chalk outline got there. I remember seeing only one police officer in the crowd of about 200 Chinese. Unless pre-determination was trying to prove itself as obviously as possible.
So that's China. How many of you saw a dead guy on the way to work yesterday?
Speaking of work, I have a new job. In an office. I'm still teaching in the evenings, because it makes a lot of money but for some reason I decided to join the working world again. Goodbye to my 10-hour weeks. I don't really remember applying for the job or going in for an interview, but somehow at rush hour this morning I found myself pushing through a billion Shanghainese on the way to work.
I'm already sick of being back in an office. The lighting, the inspirational crap on the walls, the bad gossip - it's all out of a terrible nightmare. The MSG has gone too far.
So anyway, I'd normally drop names but I've heard of a lot of people getting fired for blogging about their work, so I won't. Though I have no problem with being fired, I feel I shouldn't push it, and apparently my blog is no longer blocked in China. But anyway, I'm doing research for an international company. And I'm the supervisor. I don't know how that happened, but somehow I'm supervising a Japanese, a Korean, and a Chinese in completing our research project in the next two months.
God I hate offices. Since I'm supervisor I'm already changing my hours to 4 days a week starting late and leaving early. It's a bullshit project, I'm already half way done and I've only done six hours of work. I've found that with most office environments. The 40-hour workweek is all pomp and circumstance.
So anyway, I'm in the grind. It's exhausting because I do nothing. It's interfering with my 'stare at the wall' time and 'lay in bed' time. I may not last the week.
A guy on a scooter had run into a strip of metal hanging off a three wheel crate in front of him. He had fallen to the side of the road, his arms clenched against his stomach, and his face permanently frozen in an expression of someone who had just been hit fatally in the stomach. His eyes were clenched tightly and his face withered in pain. There was a chalk outline around his body. There was no ambulance and nobody felt the need to cover his corpse. I felt a bit sick for the rest of the day.
Thinking back, I'm not sure how the chalk outline got there. I remember seeing only one police officer in the crowd of about 200 Chinese. Unless pre-determination was trying to prove itself as obviously as possible.
So that's China. How many of you saw a dead guy on the way to work yesterday?
Speaking of work, I have a new job. In an office. I'm still teaching in the evenings, because it makes a lot of money but for some reason I decided to join the working world again. Goodbye to my 10-hour weeks. I don't really remember applying for the job or going in for an interview, but somehow at rush hour this morning I found myself pushing through a billion Shanghainese on the way to work.
I'm already sick of being back in an office. The lighting, the inspirational crap on the walls, the bad gossip - it's all out of a terrible nightmare. The MSG has gone too far.
So anyway, I'd normally drop names but I've heard of a lot of people getting fired for blogging about their work, so I won't. Though I have no problem with being fired, I feel I shouldn't push it, and apparently my blog is no longer blocked in China. But anyway, I'm doing research for an international company. And I'm the supervisor. I don't know how that happened, but somehow I'm supervising a Japanese, a Korean, and a Chinese in completing our research project in the next two months.
God I hate offices. Since I'm supervisor I'm already changing my hours to 4 days a week starting late and leaving early. It's a bullshit project, I'm already half way done and I've only done six hours of work. I've found that with most office environments. The 40-hour workweek is all pomp and circumstance.
So anyway, I'm in the grind. It's exhausting because I do nothing. It's interfering with my 'stare at the wall' time and 'lay in bed' time. I may not last the week.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Chinese Astronauts
I was just watching Chinese TV - which isn't a very enjoyable activity in general - and marveling at how normal I found it to be. For some reason every other station had a program on Chinese opera. The singers were in their traditional costumes, faces fully painted, disco ball rolling, multi-color lighting flashing, and smoke machine in full effect. Very traditional. And one billion people are tuned in. But I didn't find any of that really surprising or funny, just kind of an average occurrence, which was a little disturbing.
I've also found it a bit disturbing this week to know that I've been going to sleep while Chinese people have been floating around in the sky above me. They literally are everywhere now.
Also, it was my birthday on Friday, so I took that to mean I could use all of last week to celebrate. Not too bad. If I felt I needed a reason to drink, that was good enough for me.
I met this French guy last week who was a bit odd. Even for a French. He told me a story about how he'd spent a weekend in a Chinese prison. He deals in textiles and one of his dealers failed to supply him with the product after he had paid for it, so he went around looking for it himself. He eventually found it in a garage in Guangzhou and he and some of his staff broke in. The police came by and arrested him for breaking and entering. Since it was a Friday night, the French consulate was closed until Monday morning. He said the police were very nice to him since he was their first foreigner. He got his own cell and they turned on the air-conditioning when asked. Anyway, the consulate brought their lawyers and settled the matter on Monday and he got his textiles back. He claimed he was so distraught by the entire experience he had to take a three-week vacation to Australia right after. I can sympathize.
So I guess the point is that next time you're bitching about your 40+ hour work week and making fun of the lazy French while secretly envying them, just keep it in mind that their laziness extends to all sectors. I bet the American consulate wouldn't have been closed. Possibly planning some secret covert disaster, but at least open. He did get a three week vacation right after though. Fucking French. If I worked more than 10 hours a week I would totally be spiteful.
Anyway, the good news is that the polar ice caps are melting, thus making water that was impenetrable to oil drillers available. And it appears as though the bird flu is moving west. So since it originated in western China, those of us in eastern China should be the last to get it. Haha suckers.
I've also found it a bit disturbing this week to know that I've been going to sleep while Chinese people have been floating around in the sky above me. They literally are everywhere now.
Also, it was my birthday on Friday, so I took that to mean I could use all of last week to celebrate. Not too bad. If I felt I needed a reason to drink, that was good enough for me.
I met this French guy last week who was a bit odd. Even for a French. He told me a story about how he'd spent a weekend in a Chinese prison. He deals in textiles and one of his dealers failed to supply him with the product after he had paid for it, so he went around looking for it himself. He eventually found it in a garage in Guangzhou and he and some of his staff broke in. The police came by and arrested him for breaking and entering. Since it was a Friday night, the French consulate was closed until Monday morning. He said the police were very nice to him since he was their first foreigner. He got his own cell and they turned on the air-conditioning when asked. Anyway, the consulate brought their lawyers and settled the matter on Monday and he got his textiles back. He claimed he was so distraught by the entire experience he had to take a three-week vacation to Australia right after. I can sympathize.
So I guess the point is that next time you're bitching about your 40+ hour work week and making fun of the lazy French while secretly envying them, just keep it in mind that their laziness extends to all sectors. I bet the American consulate wouldn't have been closed. Possibly planning some secret covert disaster, but at least open. He did get a three week vacation right after though. Fucking French. If I worked more than 10 hours a week I would totally be spiteful.
Anyway, the good news is that the polar ice caps are melting, thus making water that was impenetrable to oil drillers available. And it appears as though the bird flu is moving west. So since it originated in western China, those of us in eastern China should be the last to get it. Haha suckers.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Le ciel lui tombe sur la tête
The new Astrix book has been released. He's always been a bit of a personal hero, despite the fact he's French. And it even looks like he's developing a political agenda.
The creatures are led by a cuddly toy who has at his beck and call an army of dim superman clones in tights and capes.
They announce they are from a planet called TADSYLWINE - an anagram of Walt Disney - and that their "sage" goes by the name of HUBS - an anagram of Bush.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Darkon
Congratulations to a good friend of mine who just finished shooting this film:
Darkon the Movie
Just when you think you've got everyone figured out...
It reminds me of the documentary Trekkies but this one looks more interesting and bizarre.
Darkon the Movie
Just when you think you've got everyone figured out...
It reminds me of the documentary Trekkies but this one looks more interesting and bizarre.
How to enter the DPRK
Plus a letter from your current employer, an updated CV, two passport photos, 1000 Euros (the new dollar apparently)...
Sunday, October 09, 2005
new old handset
I found a new accessory for my cell phone this weekend:
This way I can walk around Shanghai with my actual cell phone in my bag, and just a cute cord and retro phone dangling out. Just so the Chinese are assured we're all insane.
Also, I'm currently trying to arrange a trip to North Korea next weekend. The DPRK government has allowed visas for American tourists for just these two weeks in October for the Mass Games. This is the only time in the past 13 years that Americans have been allowed into the country. I'm dying to go. I'm not trying to be sarcastic or funny either. I'd really love to be one of the few Americans to have visited North Korea. Anyway, I'm sure it will be outrageously expensive and all the visas have been taken, but if you're interested Koryo Tours has a trip. I'm only posting this because I don't think anyone who reads this blog will actually go. But if you do end up going and I don't, well then, I'm fucking pissed.
I had a pretty productive weekend for a bum. I found a really great little second hand bookstore/cafe on Saturday. I've actually known of its existence for a while, but because of it's name - Old China Hand Bookstore - I haven't gone. But it was really pretty great. The best tea I've had in China. Most of the books are in Chinese. I found a Chinese book on the punk bank Black Flag or 黑旗, a Chinese Research Book on Homosexuality, a Chinese book on the fashion markets of London (which I was pleased to learn showcased a belt I had bought on Portobello Road. I'm art!), and a couple bitter expat rants. It was an enjoyable afternoon. I'll definitely be back.
Anyway, that was followed by a exhibition opening for Jin Shan entitled "I am 27 years old." He found a picture book of the 'collective history' of the Chinese and photoshopped himself into various historical scenes over the past 27 years. The captions were the best part. And the gallery it was at (1812 Artspace) is really nice.
Today I went to a couple more galleries and art exhibits. I've been feeling very inspired and creative recently. I most likely won't act on it, but it's getting me out of my apartment. Also, it's cooled down a bit here finally, so I don't mind walking around the city.
So hopefully I'll be off the North Korea in a couple days with my new mobile phone accessory. If not, I'm sure you'll be hearing from me soon.
This way I can walk around Shanghai with my actual cell phone in my bag, and just a cute cord and retro phone dangling out. Just so the Chinese are assured we're all insane.
Also, I'm currently trying to arrange a trip to North Korea next weekend. The DPRK government has allowed visas for American tourists for just these two weeks in October for the Mass Games. This is the only time in the past 13 years that Americans have been allowed into the country. I'm dying to go. I'm not trying to be sarcastic or funny either. I'd really love to be one of the few Americans to have visited North Korea. Anyway, I'm sure it will be outrageously expensive and all the visas have been taken, but if you're interested Koryo Tours has a trip. I'm only posting this because I don't think anyone who reads this blog will actually go. But if you do end up going and I don't, well then, I'm fucking pissed.
I had a pretty productive weekend for a bum. I found a really great little second hand bookstore/cafe on Saturday. I've actually known of its existence for a while, but because of it's name - Old China Hand Bookstore - I haven't gone. But it was really pretty great. The best tea I've had in China. Most of the books are in Chinese. I found a Chinese book on the punk bank Black Flag or 黑旗, a Chinese Research Book on Homosexuality, a Chinese book on the fashion markets of London (which I was pleased to learn showcased a belt I had bought on Portobello Road. I'm art!), and a couple bitter expat rants. It was an enjoyable afternoon. I'll definitely be back.
Anyway, that was followed by a exhibition opening for Jin Shan entitled "I am 27 years old." He found a picture book of the 'collective history' of the Chinese and photoshopped himself into various historical scenes over the past 27 years. The captions were the best part. And the gallery it was at (1812 Artspace) is really nice.
Today I went to a couple more galleries and art exhibits. I've been feeling very inspired and creative recently. I most likely won't act on it, but it's getting me out of my apartment. Also, it's cooled down a bit here finally, so I don't mind walking around the city.
So hopefully I'll be off the North Korea in a couple days with my new mobile phone accessory. If not, I'm sure you'll be hearing from me soon.
Friday, October 07, 2005
chocolate ice-cream
So the Guangxi province was absolutely spectacular. Yangshou, a small town outside of Guilin, is beautiful with lovely people. It's the kind of place that makes me want to drop everything and move there with nothing but a hash pipe and a groovy pair of purple, striped, drawstring pants (note: I don't actually own a pair of purple, striped, drawstring pants, and I never actually use the word 'groovy'). And honestly, I only get that sensation like once or twice a year.
Anyway, there was hiking and biking and nature and interesting rock formations. I got a bit sunburned. At least I finally got my summer color at the beginning of October. It was all very enchanting until I got food poisoning. Leave it up to China to ruin a good time by throwing a curve ball right into my gut. Amazingly, it wasn't from the Chinese food, but from a little bit of chocolate ice-cream I ate. I can't believe it. However, since I had finished some Chinese food a couple hours earlier, I still managed to vomit that up all night as well. I can tell you that Chinese food coming out looks the same as coming in. It's not pleasant. And throwing up rice is probably the worst experience in the world. I kid you not. It was pretty bad. I think I was actually vomiting blood at one point. I realize this is a bad sign, but I'll be damned if I go to a Chinese hospital, especially in the countryside. And I seem to be doing okay now, so I'm not too worried.
So that was my Wednesday night. On Thursday my friends decided they wanted to hire a boat to take us back up the Li River to Guilin. Easy for them to say, since I was the only one who spoke Chinese. So in my slightly hallucinating, definitely delusional state I bargained for a boat. But I couldn't get one that would go the entire way. So we had to take a bus, then a motorbike, then the boat, then another boat, and then two more buses to get to Guilin. Did I mention I was vomiting the entire night before?
Anyway, at some point my delusions changed. I was no longer the master of Chinese who could bargain the best price, but I became a worm, slowly being tortured under the leering and mocking gaze of children with a magnifying glass. This was as we were trudging through the heat of Guangxi to our second boat.
China is supposedly the oldest civilization in the world. Our second boat was just to get us to cross the river. You could ask, "Why didn't our first boat just drop us off on the other side of the bank?", but honestly, you'd never get an answer to that. For thousands of years it hasn't occurred to a single Chinese person that that could be an option. Anyway, regardless of that, the place we had to walk to in order to get the boat to cross the river also wasn't an easy situation. These people have been crossing this river for literally thousands and thousands of years. And now, with the advent of modern technology, it still takes 6 phone calls on cellular phones, two different boats, and five pieces of paper with red chops on them in order to cross a bit of water about 100 feet wide. If I didn't have any bags, I would have swam. Or walked across, the water wasn't deep.
The oldest civilization in the world.
But it is a beautiful area of the world and I highly recommend getting there before they turn it into an amusement park with strip malls, toboggan rides, flash bars, and crap hotels. I'm not kidding you, they will do it.
And for a couple of days I remembered why it is that I spend so much time on China. I still can't put it into words.
Anyway, there was hiking and biking and nature and interesting rock formations. I got a bit sunburned. At least I finally got my summer color at the beginning of October. It was all very enchanting until I got food poisoning. Leave it up to China to ruin a good time by throwing a curve ball right into my gut. Amazingly, it wasn't from the Chinese food, but from a little bit of chocolate ice-cream I ate. I can't believe it. However, since I had finished some Chinese food a couple hours earlier, I still managed to vomit that up all night as well. I can tell you that Chinese food coming out looks the same as coming in. It's not pleasant. And throwing up rice is probably the worst experience in the world. I kid you not. It was pretty bad. I think I was actually vomiting blood at one point. I realize this is a bad sign, but I'll be damned if I go to a Chinese hospital, especially in the countryside. And I seem to be doing okay now, so I'm not too worried.
So that was my Wednesday night. On Thursday my friends decided they wanted to hire a boat to take us back up the Li River to Guilin. Easy for them to say, since I was the only one who spoke Chinese. So in my slightly hallucinating, definitely delusional state I bargained for a boat. But I couldn't get one that would go the entire way. So we had to take a bus, then a motorbike, then the boat, then another boat, and then two more buses to get to Guilin. Did I mention I was vomiting the entire night before?
Anyway, at some point my delusions changed. I was no longer the master of Chinese who could bargain the best price, but I became a worm, slowly being tortured under the leering and mocking gaze of children with a magnifying glass. This was as we were trudging through the heat of Guangxi to our second boat.
China is supposedly the oldest civilization in the world. Our second boat was just to get us to cross the river. You could ask, "Why didn't our first boat just drop us off on the other side of the bank?", but honestly, you'd never get an answer to that. For thousands of years it hasn't occurred to a single Chinese person that that could be an option. Anyway, regardless of that, the place we had to walk to in order to get the boat to cross the river also wasn't an easy situation. These people have been crossing this river for literally thousands and thousands of years. And now, with the advent of modern technology, it still takes 6 phone calls on cellular phones, two different boats, and five pieces of paper with red chops on them in order to cross a bit of water about 100 feet wide. If I didn't have any bags, I would have swam. Or walked across, the water wasn't deep.
The oldest civilization in the world.
But it is a beautiful area of the world and I highly recommend getting there before they turn it into an amusement park with strip malls, toboggan rides, flash bars, and crap hotels. I'm not kidding you, they will do it.
And for a couple of days I remembered why it is that I spend so much time on China. I still can't put it into words.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
my god
I'm back in contact with the internet and news and this is what I have to read:
"God would tell me, 'George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan'. And I did, and then God would tell me, 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq . . .' And I did.
"And now, again, I feel God's words coming to me, 'Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East'.
"And by God I'm gonna do it."
My president is delusional and I'm an athiest.
I'll write about the fabulous Guangxi province later.
"God would tell me, 'George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan'. And I did, and then God would tell me, 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq . . .' And I did.
"And now, again, I feel God's words coming to me, 'Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East'.
"And by God I'm gonna do it."
My president is delusional and I'm an athiest.
I'll write about the fabulous Guangxi province later.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
october
The other day I was finishing my shower at the gym when a women came by, threw open my shower curtain, asked to borrow my shampoo, and then reached in my toiletries bag and took it. I didn't say a word. I just stood there naked in shock at the blatant violation of my privacy. I wasn't sure if I could just walk over to her shower, throw open the curtain and take it back. So instead I went and changed into my clothes and found her later. These are the kinds of things I have to deal with on a regular basis.
I went snowboarding today. It was a pretty hot Saturday, so my roommate and I decided to hit the slope. That's right, Shanghai has an indoor ski field, imported piece by piece from Japan. It was great. Take the smallest, most pathetic bunny hill you've ever been on, flatten it to a 20 degree angle, and you've got the Shanghai Ski Field. There is a little lift that you can take to the top, but it goes pretty slowly, so we just walked up the side. It really wasn't that strenuous or anything. The snow was complete shit. Run your hand along the inside of your freezer, and you've got the general consistency of the snow. I fell once and now I have a huge scratch down my arm. All the Chinese were decked out in the ski outfits the center provides. These were also imported from Japan and thus have Japanese writing all over them. I wore the pants - black with an orange stripe down the sides - and a t-shirt. I think the t-shirt confirmed the thought in all the Chinese that foreigners are insane. Yes it was 90 degrees outside, but there was snow inside. How can you wear a t-shirt?
You had the option of renting skis or a snowboard. The Chinese were all skiing. Or trying to. They'd go about 3 feet with their legs spreading apart the entire time and then somehow do a face plant. It was hilarious. Watching that would have been all I needed, but I did actually get a couple 'runs' in. The actually had a bit of a snow park. It was a jump and a rail. There were a couple other foreigners there and we ripped it up on the jump. The Chinese were gawking in awe the entire time. It was a pretty fun time. Since it wasn't my board, and it was a piece of shit, I had no problems with running it across bare areas or landing on it oddly. I have no idea where it came from, all it had written on it was 'Made in America'.
Anyway, I'm getting out of Shanghai next week. I'm heading down to Guilin. Hopefully it will be good. It's the national holiday this week, so I don't have to work. 56 years of the People's Republic of China. Wow. In Shanghai people celebrated by buying a bunch of novelty balloons in the shape of hammers and running around hitting each other. The Oriental Pearl Tower also changed its light pattern to red stars. I can feel the patriotism pulsing.
Anyway, hopefully I'll take some pictures in this next week. Guilin is supposed to be incredible. I may also be very annoyed because I'm traveling with 1.6 billion other people. I need to get out of this city though.
I went snowboarding today. It was a pretty hot Saturday, so my roommate and I decided to hit the slope. That's right, Shanghai has an indoor ski field, imported piece by piece from Japan. It was great. Take the smallest, most pathetic bunny hill you've ever been on, flatten it to a 20 degree angle, and you've got the Shanghai Ski Field. There is a little lift that you can take to the top, but it goes pretty slowly, so we just walked up the side. It really wasn't that strenuous or anything. The snow was complete shit. Run your hand along the inside of your freezer, and you've got the general consistency of the snow. I fell once and now I have a huge scratch down my arm. All the Chinese were decked out in the ski outfits the center provides. These were also imported from Japan and thus have Japanese writing all over them. I wore the pants - black with an orange stripe down the sides - and a t-shirt. I think the t-shirt confirmed the thought in all the Chinese that foreigners are insane. Yes it was 90 degrees outside, but there was snow inside. How can you wear a t-shirt?
You had the option of renting skis or a snowboard. The Chinese were all skiing. Or trying to. They'd go about 3 feet with their legs spreading apart the entire time and then somehow do a face plant. It was hilarious. Watching that would have been all I needed, but I did actually get a couple 'runs' in. The actually had a bit of a snow park. It was a jump and a rail. There were a couple other foreigners there and we ripped it up on the jump. The Chinese were gawking in awe the entire time. It was a pretty fun time. Since it wasn't my board, and it was a piece of shit, I had no problems with running it across bare areas or landing on it oddly. I have no idea where it came from, all it had written on it was 'Made in America'.
Anyway, I'm getting out of Shanghai next week. I'm heading down to Guilin. Hopefully it will be good. It's the national holiday this week, so I don't have to work. 56 years of the People's Republic of China. Wow. In Shanghai people celebrated by buying a bunch of novelty balloons in the shape of hammers and running around hitting each other. The Oriental Pearl Tower also changed its light pattern to red stars. I can feel the patriotism pulsing.
Anyway, hopefully I'll take some pictures in this next week. Guilin is supposed to be incredible. I may also be very annoyed because I'm traveling with 1.6 billion other people. I need to get out of this city though.
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