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Saturday, December 23, 2006

hu's on first

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now what are you asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's whose name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

This is the building I work in:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200612/s1815072.htm

Did I mention in my blog yesterday that I got a raise after coming back to work from calling in sick for 4 day?

Well, I did.

Only 2 days left...

temporary

I am a temp.

“Yeah, big deal Nicole. Nobody cares.”

I know. Lots of people temp. Lots of people temp regularly. I didn’t want to be that person, but it appears that without trying I have been a temp on and off for the past 7 years of my life. That actually adds up to having temping be something I’ve done more than anything else. Depressing really.

So how did I get drawn in. I need money. Everyone knows that finding a job is hell. The temp agencies take care of everything. The pay, the interview, arranging a time. Too easy. Right?

Let me take you through a typical day.

I get in to the ‘office’ (a computer lab at RMIT that is closed while we’re there) at about 9:05ish. I then check my email and read Google News. At around 9:15/20ish I go up and get my work for the first part of the day. I then come back to my desk, read some more news, see if anyone interesting is online and briefly search for jobs. After I’ve done this for another 5-10 minutes, I get up and make a cup of tea. I then wait for the tea bag to infuse and wonder around for another 5 minutes or so blowing on my tea trying to cool it down.

I begin doing actual work at about 9:45ish. I enroll students for their courses. It’s amazingly boring and right now they don’t have enough work for all the temps they hired, so the longer I take to add the students, the longer I get to stay at work and be paid.

Anyway, between checking my email, reading the news, wondering around making tea and going to the bathroom, I probably only do real work for about an hour a day.

What you may be saying to yourself right now is something along the lines of, “Well Nicole, that’s why you’re a temp.” But really it’s not my fault. If they had work for me to do, I’d be happy to do it quickly and efficiently. If it’s a job I enjoy doing, no worries. I love doing work that is interesting. Or where I feel I’m actually accomplishing something.

This doesn’t really happen in temp jobs. So, if any potential employers are reading this, don’t worry, I work hard. Look at my resume, I have to. Unless you plan on giving me mindless data entry work to do, then I might not work so hard. And, I wouldn’t have applied to you through anything but a temp agency at that point anyway.

Whatever, this assignment was supposed to be four weeks long. We had four days of training the first week. The second week I missed four day because I had a conference in Canberra I got a scholarship for (so really I can’t complain much since they let me come back to work after calling in sick for 4 days.) This past week was boring, and I already finished off Monday and Tuesday. They told most of the people not to come in tomorrow, but I stuck around long enough so they found something for me to do tomorrow and the rest of the week. And we have a half-day of work on Friday. So really, I only have two and a half days left.

I can live with that.

*Christ, I was just reading this over and realized that if a potential employer ever came across this blog, I should be worried about a lot more than this post. Oh well. Laugh employer, laugh. You know you want to. Not at me, dear god not at me, but at life.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Melbourne Sun


martian dawn
Originally uploaded by mugley.
There have been many bushfires around Melbourne lately. We had a really dry winter and now we're paying. I'm not sure many people in the world realise this, but Australia burns down every year. This year is particularly bad, but nonetheless, it's not a surprise. This isn't my picture - mine aren't as good, but this is what it looked like for days. The city was so smokey it was unbelievable. Almost like I was back in China. Almost.

I haven't been blogging much. This is probably due to a number of reasons, namely, I'm lazy. However, as you can see from my previous post, I am still making my short films.

I've been forced to do what I said I'd never do again. No, I'm not teaching in China, I'm temping for a couple weeks. During the day I'm entering the data of thousands of entering students into the Royal Melbourne Institue of Technology (RMIT - the other/royal MIT).

Anyway, that's not bad. Just mindless motion and brain cells being sucked away by the hourly pay. However, on Wednesday I received a call from another temp agency asking if I was available that night. There was an election here a couple weeks ago and they needed a recount of ballots. Apparently the US isn't the only one who fucks up.

Anyway, I need the cash so I decided to go. I arrived at the Melbourne Exhibition Centre. A building so awesome in it's sheer mass you are surprised the meer humans could have built it; however, given the lack of intricate design and aesthetic quality, it doesn't seem that difficult to conceive.

So I arrived at this massive building and followed the stream of temps down to the last and final "room" of the exhibition centre. I quote 'room' because it was the size of an airplane hanger. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Before we entered the room we were all forced to sit outside and wait until 6 o'clock. At 6 a woman from the Victoria Election Committee came out and asked all the data entry temps to line up. That wasn't me. They lined up and were taken into the massive 'room'.

We waited another 5 minutes or so and then the same woman came out and asked the rest of us to line up. The guy in front of me was drunk.

We filed into the hanger, signed our names on a piece of paper and then were shuffled through to some tables and told to find a seat if there was one available, otherwise, they'd find something else for us to do.

I found a seat.

There was an Irish girl who was already sitting when we arrived and looked up from her book when we sat down.

"Do you know what you're in for?" she asked.

Before we could reply she continued, "We've been sitting here for an hour and a half. We were counting for a bit then told to go on break, and now we've just been sitting here."

I didn't know what we were in for. I didn't know what counting votes entails. I just always took it for granted.

Anyway, they asked the temps who'd been sitting there for an hour to switch to a different table or go on break. Most of them just switched tables and the Irish girl was replaced by an Australian family.

Mother, father, daughter, daughter, son all sat across from me. Until that moment I wasn't aware that families registered together at temp agencies. And what a family. I could probably write a book on them, but I'll just keep it at this: They were a bit 'bogan'. If you don't know what that means, look it up.

Anyway, after a good 45 minutes (paid, thank god), the woman, I'll call her God, came up and gave us instructions for counting votes. We were to be handed a stack of 50 votes. We were first supposed to count to make sure there were 50 pieces of paper, and then go through to see that a 1, or check, or x was placed in the correct box. If not, they would take the ballot and replace it with one that was and so we'd have a stack of 50 votes for one party.

We were all given rubber thimbles and began. Sounds easy, right?

Well, it was, except for the scrutineers. What, you may ask, is a Scrutineer? Well, I'll tell you. They are volunteers for the various parties that walk around and have their say on whether the votes are being counted properly. They'd been there since 6 this morning and were not happy and were not getting paid hourly. I hate them. I understand thier function - fairness and all - but they're just annoying.

I got in a fight with one. The voter had clearly marked a one in the box and she was disputing it. She called over 4 different officers, we all argued over it, and then it was withdrawn to be further discussed.

Anyway, I was there until midnight. I took off at that point, I think others stayed until 4 in the morning, but I just wasn't committed to Australia's democracy on that level. Plus, I had to waste more brain cells at my other data entry job in the morning.

The moral of the story is that somewhere between the drunk guy and the scrutineer, I lost the little faith I had in democracy.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Democracy simply doesn't work.

on a walk

Friday, December 01, 2006

Free Willy

The whales are fighting back.

And really, I'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner. You take them out of the lovely oceans, although they are becoming ever increasingly polluted, which are much nicer than the fishbowl they stick them in at sea world. All those noisy children with their sweet snacks, crying, laughing, pointing...

At least in the ocean, all you have to put up with is Greenpeace. I'm not sure, what's worse? Greenpeace or some fat kid hovering and staring with his ice cream?

I guess we all live in some kind of fishbowl.

I had some Chinese food earlier. It may or may not have contained msg.

By the way, I don't like Greenpeace, but I don't think I'll get into why in this blog.