nylon stockings

I know I've been MIA for the past week. No, I haven't dug a hole to America, but one of my oldest and dearest friends came to visit for a week. I was hoping we'd both end up in a different country, but alas, it appears as though I'm still in China and he's moved on back to the union.

It was his first time in China. He doesn't really do third world so we tried to avoid that as much as possible. It pretty much impossible to avoid bicycles and people spitting and peeing on the streets here, but we took as many cabs as possible. We went up to Beijing last weekend. According to my friend, they are not ready for the Olympic games and never will be. Sorry HJ. Beijing really is a shithole though. When we flew in we couldn't see the city until we were 10 feet above it because the pollution was so bad. Cab drivers wouldn't pick us up because we're white, or standing in the wrong place, or because they are fucking assholes. It was very, very hot and the BJ doesn't believe in AC. All the good bars have been ripped down and replaced with shopping centers and all the shopping centers suck. There's too much government and bureaucracy and the expats are all big China losers who think they're better than Shanghai expats.

The duck is good though. I do like my Peking duck. But I've been told I can get that in Shanghai, so hopefully I'll never have to leave this city again.

We also went up to the Great Wall. The most useless manmade piece of architecture in the history of the world. And it resembles Disney Land. But it's really old and exploitable and therefore interesting. I think I disillusioned a couple from the Philippines who had us take their picture.

"This is a once in a life time experience!"

"Actually, this is my seventh time here."

I've since realized that was a lie. It was only my sixth. But hey, everyone who comes to China wants to see the Wall. I wish it was similar to the experience Pink Floyd creates, but it's not. It's good, but it's not that good.

Anyway, the part of the wall we went to was a part I've never been to before. It was cool because it had a toboggan ride from the wall back to the parking lot. It was really unsafe and rickety and a lot of fun. I enjoyed my historic, Great Wall, toboggan experience.

Anyway, we got back to Shanghai as quickly as the night train could carry us with only a three-day stomachache to show for Beijing. Goddamn duck.

There's a magnetic levitation (maglev) train that runs from a subway stop to the airport in Shanghai. It's the fastest train in the world, and since I had never ridden it before I decided to escort my friend to the airport for the ride. It was fun. You kind of had a rush afterwards. 30k in 8 minutes. I think our top speed was 431 kph. Not bad. It's really fast and at times you’re on about a 55-degree angle with the ground. And the train isn't even on tracks, it floats the entire way. Too bad the Chinese still managed to fuck it up by connecting it to the most inconvenient subway station in the city and having it only run from 8-5:30 (not a time when most international flights arrive and take off from Shanghai.)

So anyway, as I was waiting to get on the Maglev for the airport I overheard a blond American chick ask if 'this one went to the airport?' (There are only two stops, the subway station and the airport.) This made me promptly not miss America at all and realize why I'm not there. However, on the way back to the subway station I watched a fat little Chinese kid wearing mid-calf nylon stockings run in circles and bang a half-empty plastic water bottle against his head while his mother took about a minute to gather all the phlegm and spit and mucus and saliva in her mouth before forcefully spitting it in the ashtray. My options of Yankee Doodle and Doodle Dipshits aren't the greatest choices I've had in life.

As I was helping my friend check in I made a comment that I was jealous he was leaving all this. His response was, "But you love it here." I found that extremely depressing for a number of reasons. I really am a masochist.

If I had more money I would have just jumped on any of the other flights leaving while I was there. Frankfurt, Manila, and Tokyo were just a credit card swipe away.

But I'm still here. In Shanghai, in the PRC, and someone bought the apartment next to ours and is renovating the entire inside. I wake up to saws and hammers every morning (7:20 this morning!), and on my way to the elevator I step over Chinese construction workers sleeping in the hallway.