fucking pigs

I'm American, and therefore have an interesting and unusual religious background.

My mother was born in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. This used to be a small town, but with the growth of factory outlet stores, the town has boomed. Anyway, it's generally considered the gateway to the Pennsylvania Dutch, otherwise known as the Amish. I'm not Amish though.

My family, is Mennonite. I was actually shocked to learn they have a webpage and a statement about the war in Iraq, because they're not far from Amish. When I was a kid and we used to visit my grandmother, we'd attend a Sunday service at the Lancaster Mennonite Church. We'd drive through the Amish country side, past the Amish in their horse drawn buggies on the way to church, the fruit and vegetable markets, and all the suggestive Amish town name signs (Ball-In-Hand, Intercourse.) And really, seeing all this in middle America is possibly more shocking than anything you'd come across in China.

Anyway, the service would take place in a simple wooden church. Everyone would wear black or dark gray clothing, except my family members and I who would be robed in God knows what. Anyway, we'd all sit patiently in this simple building watching the big grandfather clock tick until it hit exactly 10am. Nobody would speak while waiting. I think it was okay to, but nobody would. It always confused me as a child why we'd wait for 15 minutes before the service doing nothing. I think I thought I was supposed to be praying or something, but really I was wondering why we couldn't just start because clearly everyone was already there.

I don't remember what the services were about. Something about Jesus I think, but they were long and the seats were uncomfortable for me. Regardless, we have a lot of patch work quilts and simple Christian paraphernalia floating around my house. In between the statue from Thailand of the pigs fucking and the woven baskets from Botswana.

So that's one side of my family.

My father was born in Provo, Utah and raised Mormon. I was not surprised to find the Mormon church had a website. If it didn't register as a non-profit it would be the biggest business in America. Anyway, he mostly broke away from the church but most my family on his side still practices.

I can't really tell you much about Mormons either. They don't have horns, they do have a lot of missionaries, and some of them marry multiple wives, but that's a different sect of Mormonism. And there are no Mormon missionaries in China, probably the only place on earth, and really, it's pretty nice.

Anyway, they do have some interesting beliefs about sex. That was taken straight from their website. Homosexual activity is a serious sin. Lovely people. And I've always enjoyed their cure for masturbation. See, I've always had a problem with number 4 myself. Seeing my reflection in the mirror after I've showered would cause anyone temptation.

I don't mean to specifically pick out the Mormons to pick on, give me any religion, ethnic group, nationality, etc. and I'll find something hilariously wrong with them, but the Mormons are just easy. Actually most of them are very nice people and I have several Mormon friends. Or at least acquaintances.

Anyway, this all has a point, not just a sad look at my genealogy.

So I was out at a bar the other day and I struck up a conversation with a guy:

"Where are you from?"
"Boston, you?" (I always say Boston because it's easier, sometimes I mix it up.)
"D.C."
"Oh, where in D.C?"
"Well, I went to Georgetown..."
"Oh, so you're not really from D.C., that's okay, I'm not really from Boston, where are you from?"
"Philadelphia."
"Oh do you know Lancaster?"
"Yeah, actually I live right near Lancaster."(So he wasn't really from Philly either)
"My family's from Lancaster. But I'm actually from Salt Lake."
"No way, I'm Mormon!"
"Are you really?"
"Yeah."
"Well my family's Mennonite."
"No way."
"I swear to God, but my dad was Mormon."
"No way."
"Seriously. I'm not Mormon though, are you really Mormon?"
"Yeah, I really am, I went to seminary and everything."
"Still?"
(holds up his glass of beer)"Well not really. So how weird is this, in a seedy bar in Shanghai, China, two people from Lancaster and connected to Mormons meet."
"And, we both lie about where we're from!"
"Haha, yeah."
"That's fucked up. We probably shouldn't talk to each other any more."
"Agreed."
(We both walk away from each other.)

So, it's a small world after all.

2x2x2

For those of you who have never been to China, I should point out that everything is wrapped in plastic. Worse than an old woman's living room. Everything. Like if you buy oranges for example. Each individual orange is wrapped in a little plastic baggy, then put in another plastic bag, and finally put in two more plastic bags for you to carry home. So everything I've eaten for the past 10 months, has spent a considerable amount of time in plastic:

China bans harmful plastic wrappers

My perma-headache becomes less and less of a mystery.

Not much else is going on in the China. Just the usual stampedes and bird flu outbreaks.

My ayi is in the next room folding my clothing into 2inch x 2inch x 2inch squares. Even my jeans. It fits conveniently in my drawers.

I'm off to work.

clitoris in the throat

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Wa ha ha

Halloween is just around the corner, and today I received the scariest ad yet:

Get Ready for Halloween at Carrefour!

There you go. A French company promoting an American holiday in a country where Christianity is a fashion statement, all your ghosts are ancestors, and the people wearing costumes are the most educated and respected artists and scholars.

And really, I think the last thing this country needs is people running around biting each other and choking on their fake plastic vampire teeth. Which are most likely toxic anyway. And probably made in China.

But hey, I can get socks for 1 kuai!

China Arrest

My god, they're not going to let me leave:

China will shut down borders if struck by bird flu

I'm going to start swimming if this is the case.

$100,000 Holiday

This is amazing:

China to launch space tourist

At only $100,000 they're going to be popping people up there every two days. Until something goes terribly wrong on the second mission.

Clearly I'm still at work.

I also just finished reading this article on 'America is more of an idea than a country'. I like it. I'd rather be a citizen of an idea than a country.

I think the whole idea of a country is pretty lame and, quite frankly, a little juvenile. It's like splitting up teams and cliques in school. This person belongs to that group, and that group hates this groups, and it's really difficult to change groups. Fuck that. I don't need to be in a group or a team, I'm going to go play on the monkey bars.

Also, I kind of resent the whole concept that I have to be part of a country. The UN should create a wanderers passport. You're not part of anywhere, you can go and work wherever you please, pay taxes in the country you live in at the time. It would be great. People ask you where you're from and you say, "I've go the wanderers," and there's no further resentments and only a stereotype of an unstable commitmentphobe. I could live with that.

Only 29 more minutes until lunch.

8 Continents, 5 Oceans

I'm not sure if you all remember the Pearl Orient Tower:



For the past week the top big ball has had a map of the world rotating around on the light display at night. Except they've added an extra continent. It's in between Asia and America. It's all red and sometimes turns to purple. It's not the shape of China, more like an altered Asia. I'm not sure what they're trying to get at.

Ebay is selling Chinese babies now. For that authentic Chinese flavor...

Also the health minister in China put out a 'serious warning' for the bird flu, so I may be dead in a week. If the Chinese government says there may be a problem, half the country is probably already infected.

I haven't done any work at all today. I may not come in next week. I just don't think I can work like this. Not now at least.

The UN can't handle the earthquake relief. Apparently the tsunami and the hurricane has topped our capacity to deal with natural disasters for this year. And we handled both of those so well.

I'm not sure what I'm up to this weekend. Probably another exhibit opening on Sunday. I'm feeling very lazy though.

i wouldn't say i've been missing it...

So anyway, I'm at work right now. I've spent the past couple hours reading the news, the Onion, and 'Rants and Raves' off craigslist and I'm pretty much bored. I've made a couple phone calls, sent out a couple emails, but there's nothing going on. I'd rather be in a giant rat suit in a large cage with a bunch of mouse scientists poking various drugs into me. Nice.

The girls outside my office have been talking about the different types of English all day. I'm tired of listening in. Oh right, I have my own corner office, complete with a door and a window. I'm tempted to just walk in one morning, close my door, draw my blinds and either a) go back to sleep or b)get drunk and listen to music. It's not that spectacular though. I think it's actually just a converted utility room.

Anyway, I work near Nanjing Road which is the biggest tourist street in Shanghai. It's supposed to be pedestrian, but there's still some little tourist train car that rides up and down it. The road is always crowded and full of people trying to sell you watches, candy, remote control cars, corn, art, and everything else. For these reasons, I try to avoid going to Nanjing Lu as much as possible. But now I work here, so I can't. I did find a shop that sells little tuna fish sandwich pouches. Not too bad for 30 cents.

I am just trying to kill time here you realize? I may be blogging a lot more now that I'm working.

Anyway, hopefully I'm going to Nanjing next weekend for the Jazz festival. It should be good. I've only been to Nanjing once before and it was rainy and depressing. But I did go to the Rape of Nanking memorial. That is really depressing. Those Japanese really fucked this place up.

Oh also, there's a warning out for more Japanese protests in response to the Japanese PM visiting the was shrine. I don't think they'll pull it together though. But I'd like to see some protests.

metal rods

As I was going to work yesterday I saw a large crowd of people surrounding an accident. I knew someone had died because of the size of the crowd. I normally just walk by, because I'm not a fan of dead bodies, but since I was up high in my double-decker bus I got the full view.

A guy on a scooter had run into a strip of metal hanging off a three wheel crate in front of him. He had fallen to the side of the road, his arms clenched against his stomach, and his face permanently frozen in an expression of someone who had just been hit fatally in the stomach. His eyes were clenched tightly and his face withered in pain. There was a chalk outline around his body. There was no ambulance and nobody felt the need to cover his corpse. I felt a bit sick for the rest of the day.

Thinking back, I'm not sure how the chalk outline got there. I remember seeing only one police officer in the crowd of about 200 Chinese. Unless pre-determination was trying to prove itself as obviously as possible.

So that's China. How many of you saw a dead guy on the way to work yesterday?

Speaking of work, I have a new job. In an office. I'm still teaching in the evenings, because it makes a lot of money but for some reason I decided to join the working world again. Goodbye to my 10-hour weeks. I don't really remember applying for the job or going in for an interview, but somehow at rush hour this morning I found myself pushing through a billion Shanghainese on the way to work.

I'm already sick of being back in an office. The lighting, the inspirational crap on the walls, the bad gossip - it's all out of a terrible nightmare. The MSG has gone too far.

So anyway, I'd normally drop names but I've heard of a lot of people getting fired for blogging about their work, so I won't. Though I have no problem with being fired, I feel I shouldn't push it, and apparently my blog is no longer blocked in China. But anyway, I'm doing research for an international company. And I'm the supervisor. I don't know how that happened, but somehow I'm supervising a Japanese, a Korean, and a Chinese in completing our research project in the next two months.

God I hate offices. Since I'm supervisor I'm already changing my hours to 4 days a week starting late and leaving early. It's a bullshit project, I'm already half way done and I've only done six hours of work. I've found that with most office environments. The 40-hour workweek is all pomp and circumstance.

So anyway, I'm in the grind. It's exhausting because I do nothing. It's interfering with my 'stare at the wall' time and 'lay in bed' time. I may not last the week.

Chinese Astronauts

I was just watching Chinese TV - which isn't a very enjoyable activity in general - and marveling at how normal I found it to be. For some reason every other station had a program on Chinese opera. The singers were in their traditional costumes, faces fully painted, disco ball rolling, multi-color lighting flashing, and smoke machine in full effect. Very traditional. And one billion people are tuned in. But I didn't find any of that really surprising or funny, just kind of an average occurrence, which was a little disturbing.

I've also found it a bit disturbing this week to know that I've been going to sleep while Chinese people have been floating around in the sky above me. They literally are everywhere now.

Also, it was my birthday on Friday, so I took that to mean I could use all of last week to celebrate. Not too bad. If I felt I needed a reason to drink, that was good enough for me.

I met this French guy last week who was a bit odd. Even for a French. He told me a story about how he'd spent a weekend in a Chinese prison. He deals in textiles and one of his dealers failed to supply him with the product after he had paid for it, so he went around looking for it himself. He eventually found it in a garage in Guangzhou and he and some of his staff broke in. The police came by and arrested him for breaking and entering. Since it was a Friday night, the French consulate was closed until Monday morning. He said the police were very nice to him since he was their first foreigner. He got his own cell and they turned on the air-conditioning when asked. Anyway, the consulate brought their lawyers and settled the matter on Monday and he got his textiles back. He claimed he was so distraught by the entire experience he had to take a three-week vacation to Australia right after. I can sympathize.

So I guess the point is that next time you're bitching about your 40+ hour work week and making fun of the lazy French while secretly envying them, just keep it in mind that their laziness extends to all sectors. I bet the American consulate wouldn't have been closed. Possibly planning some secret covert disaster, but at least open. He did get a three week vacation right after though. Fucking French. If I worked more than 10 hours a week I would totally be spiteful.

Anyway, the good news is that the polar ice caps are melting, thus making water that was impenetrable to oil drillers available. And it appears as though the bird flu is moving west. So since it originated in western China, those of us in eastern China should be the last to get it. Haha suckers.

Le ciel lui tombe sur la tête

The new Astrix book has been released. He's always been a bit of a personal hero, despite the fact he's French. And it even looks like he's developing a political agenda.

The creatures are led by a cuddly toy who has at his beck and call an army of dim superman clones in tights and capes.

They announce they are from a planet called TADSYLWINE - an anagram of Walt Disney - and that their "sage" goes by the name of HUBS - an anagram of Bush.

Darkon

Congratulations to a good friend of mine who just finished shooting this film:

Darkon the Movie

Just when you think you've got everyone figured out...

It reminds me of the documentary Trekkies but this one looks more interesting and bizarre.

How to enter the DPRK

Plus a letter from your current employer, an updated CV, two passport photos, 1000 Euros (the new dollar apparently)...

new old handset

I found a new accessory for my cell phone this weekend:




This way I can walk around Shanghai with my actual cell phone in my bag, and just a cute cord and retro phone dangling out. Just so the Chinese are assured we're all insane.

Also, I'm currently trying to arrange a trip to North Korea next weekend. The DPRK government has allowed visas for American tourists for just these two weeks in October for the Mass Games. This is the only time in the past 13 years that Americans have been allowed into the country. I'm dying to go. I'm not trying to be sarcastic or funny either. I'd really love to be one of the few Americans to have visited North Korea. Anyway, I'm sure it will be outrageously expensive and all the visas have been taken, but if you're interested Koryo Tours has a trip. I'm only posting this because I don't think anyone who reads this blog will actually go. But if you do end up going and I don't, well then, I'm fucking pissed.

I had a pretty productive weekend for a bum. I found a really great little second hand bookstore/cafe on Saturday. I've actually known of its existence for a while, but because of it's name - Old China Hand Bookstore - I haven't gone. But it was really pretty great. The best tea I've had in China. Most of the books are in Chinese. I found a Chinese book on the punk bank Black Flag or 黑旗, a Chinese Research Book on Homosexuality, a Chinese book on the fashion markets of London (which I was pleased to learn showcased a belt I had bought on Portobello Road. I'm art!), and a couple bitter expat rants. It was an enjoyable afternoon. I'll definitely be back.

Anyway, that was followed by a exhibition opening for Jin Shan entitled "I am 27 years old." He found a picture book of the 'collective history' of the Chinese and photoshopped himself into various historical scenes over the past 27 years. The captions were the best part. And the gallery it was at (1812 Artspace) is really nice.

Today I went to a couple more galleries and art exhibits. I've been feeling very inspired and creative recently. I most likely won't act on it, but it's getting me out of my apartment. Also, it's cooled down a bit here finally, so I don't mind walking around the city.

So hopefully I'll be off the North Korea in a couple days with my new mobile phone accessory. If not, I'm sure you'll be hearing from me soon.

chocolate ice-cream

So the Guangxi province was absolutely spectacular. Yangshou, a small town outside of Guilin, is beautiful with lovely people. It's the kind of place that makes me want to drop everything and move there with nothing but a hash pipe and a groovy pair of purple, striped, drawstring pants (note: I don't actually own a pair of purple, striped, drawstring pants, and I never actually use the word 'groovy'). And honestly, I only get that sensation like once or twice a year.

Anyway, there was hiking and biking and nature and interesting rock formations. I got a bit sunburned. At least I finally got my summer color at the beginning of October. It was all very enchanting until I got food poisoning. Leave it up to China to ruin a good time by throwing a curve ball right into my gut. Amazingly, it wasn't from the Chinese food, but from a little bit of chocolate ice-cream I ate. I can't believe it. However, since I had finished some Chinese food a couple hours earlier, I still managed to vomit that up all night as well. I can tell you that Chinese food coming out looks the same as coming in. It's not pleasant. And throwing up rice is probably the worst experience in the world. I kid you not. It was pretty bad. I think I was actually vomiting blood at one point. I realize this is a bad sign, but I'll be damned if I go to a Chinese hospital, especially in the countryside. And I seem to be doing okay now, so I'm not too worried.

So that was my Wednesday night. On Thursday my friends decided they wanted to hire a boat to take us back up the Li River to Guilin. Easy for them to say, since I was the only one who spoke Chinese. So in my slightly hallucinating, definitely delusional state I bargained for a boat. But I couldn't get one that would go the entire way. So we had to take a bus, then a motorbike, then the boat, then another boat, and then two more buses to get to Guilin. Did I mention I was vomiting the entire night before?

Anyway, at some point my delusions changed. I was no longer the master of Chinese who could bargain the best price, but I became a worm, slowly being tortured under the leering and mocking gaze of children with a magnifying glass. This was as we were trudging through the heat of Guangxi to our second boat.

China is supposedly the oldest civilization in the world. Our second boat was just to get us to cross the river. You could ask, "Why didn't our first boat just drop us off on the other side of the bank?", but honestly, you'd never get an answer to that. For thousands of years it hasn't occurred to a single Chinese person that that could be an option. Anyway, regardless of that, the place we had to walk to in order to get the boat to cross the river also wasn't an easy situation. These people have been crossing this river for literally thousands and thousands of years. And now, with the advent of modern technology, it still takes 6 phone calls on cellular phones, two different boats, and five pieces of paper with red chops on them in order to cross a bit of water about 100 feet wide. If I didn't have any bags, I would have swam. Or walked across, the water wasn't deep.

The oldest civilization in the world.

But it is a beautiful area of the world and I highly recommend getting there before they turn it into an amusement park with strip malls, toboggan rides, flash bars, and crap hotels. I'm not kidding you, they will do it.

And for a couple of days I remembered why it is that I spend so much time on China. I still can't put it into words.

my god

I'm back in contact with the internet and news and this is what I have to read:


"God would tell me, 'George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan'. And I did, and then God would tell me, 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq . . .' And I did.

"And now, again, I feel God's words coming to me, 'Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East'.

"And by God I'm gonna do it."

My president is delusional and I'm an athiest.

I'll write about the fabulous Guangxi province later.

october

The other day I was finishing my shower at the gym when a women came by, threw open my shower curtain, asked to borrow my shampoo, and then reached in my toiletries bag and took it. I didn't say a word. I just stood there naked in shock at the blatant violation of my privacy. I wasn't sure if I could just walk over to her shower, throw open the curtain and take it back. So instead I went and changed into my clothes and found her later. These are the kinds of things I have to deal with on a regular basis.

I went snowboarding today. It was a pretty hot Saturday, so my roommate and I decided to hit the slope. That's right, Shanghai has an indoor ski field, imported piece by piece from Japan. It was great. Take the smallest, most pathetic bunny hill you've ever been on, flatten it to a 20 degree angle, and you've got the Shanghai Ski Field. There is a little lift that you can take to the top, but it goes pretty slowly, so we just walked up the side. It really wasn't that strenuous or anything. The snow was complete shit. Run your hand along the inside of your freezer, and you've got the general consistency of the snow. I fell once and now I have a huge scratch down my arm. All the Chinese were decked out in the ski outfits the center provides. These were also imported from Japan and thus have Japanese writing all over them. I wore the pants - black with an orange stripe down the sides - and a t-shirt. I think the t-shirt confirmed the thought in all the Chinese that foreigners are insane. Yes it was 90 degrees outside, but there was snow inside. How can you wear a t-shirt?

You had the option of renting skis or a snowboard. The Chinese were all skiing. Or trying to. They'd go about 3 feet with their legs spreading apart the entire time and then somehow do a face plant. It was hilarious. Watching that would have been all I needed, but I did actually get a couple 'runs' in. The actually had a bit of a snow park. It was a jump and a rail. There were a couple other foreigners there and we ripped it up on the jump. The Chinese were gawking in awe the entire time. It was a pretty fun time. Since it wasn't my board, and it was a piece of shit, I had no problems with running it across bare areas or landing on it oddly. I have no idea where it came from, all it had written on it was 'Made in America'.

Anyway, I'm getting out of Shanghai next week. I'm heading down to Guilin. Hopefully it will be good. It's the national holiday this week, so I don't have to work. 56 years of the People's Republic of China. Wow. In Shanghai people celebrated by buying a bunch of novelty balloons in the shape of hammers and running around hitting each other. The Oriental Pearl Tower also changed its light pattern to red stars. I can feel the patriotism pulsing.

Anyway, hopefully I'll take some pictures in this next week. Guilin is supposed to be incredible. I may also be very annoyed because I'm traveling with 1.6 billion other people. I need to get out of this city though.

123456

If you come to China and open a Chinese bank account, do not get your wallet stolen with you Chinese ATM card inside. This may seem obvious, but I still feel as though I should warn you.

So, as I believe I blogged earlier, I had my wallet stolen. This didn't really concern me because I didn't have that much money in my wallet, and in order to use my ATM card at all you need my pin number. And although I may be jackass, I don't carry my pin number around in my wallet. It's the screensaver on my phone. ha.

So anyway, after going through the millions of papers they gave me when I opened my account, I couldn't find any number to call and report my stolen card. So I decided to go to my bank the following day and cancel it. Once I arrived at my bank I learned that there is only one branch in all of Shanghai that can cancel and reissue a new ATM card. I should point out that when I got my ATM card they just handed it to me across the counter of my branch. It took about 5 seconds. It's not personalized or anything.

Anyway, I didn't have time to go to this one location to cancel it, so I had to wait until the next day. I arrived at the cancellation branch to learn that, for some reason, it closes for an hour in the middle of each day. Around the time I decided to arrive. So I had to go wait out the hour in a nearby park. I got to the branch and stood in an enormous line with the 3000 other people in Shanghai who have had their card stolen. I finally got to the clerk and had to fill out 5 different sets of papers all in Chinese. After going through this and having them talk me through the papers (No, you put your american address there and your Chinese address here - I don't know why they needed my American address, I didn't give it when I opened my account.) Anyway, I didn't even get my new card. I have to go back next week and fill out more paperwork.

After explaining this to my rooommate she pointed out it probably would have been easier for me to open a new account, take out all the money in my old account and put it in the new account. She's right, but I'd rather go through the pain. And if you were wondering, no money had been stolen from my account. I can continue to afford my stripper and champagne lifestyle. I knew the Chinese would never be able to figure out the pin 123456.

I spent all of yesterday in a painful haze of hangover hell. I left the house around 6 to pick up some Chinese food - the only time I find Chinese food to be appropriate. Everyone in the restaraunt and I were choking and coughing on some chemical they were using to clean the windows as I was waiting for them to finish my take-away tofu. I briefly wondered what was floating around the kitchen if this was out with customers. But for a dollar, what do you expect? I took a delivery menu as I left. I don't want to have to think about that stuff.

another glass of bubbly please...

I should not be blogging right now, because I've had a little bit of champagne tonight, but I can't help it. I got in to grad school today!!!!!!!! Yay for me! I am going to be in Melbourne, Australia next year, the most liveable city in the world (Seriously, it was actually proven it is.) I am out of this dump of a most unliveable country in the world. Although, Shanghai is the most liveable city in the most unliveable country. I think Baghdad may have scored higher than anywhere in China.

Whatever, the point is, I'm not going to be here next year. But China still managed to give me a 'fuck you' to my accomplishment. My wallet and sunglasses were stolen today. It brought me down a little, but fuck those bastards, You're still going to be in this dump next year. HA fucking HA.

Anyway, if your wallet had been stolen and you had just been accepted into graduate school, what would you do? Here's what I did. I went and saw a bunch of male Australian strippers. Fuck yeah baby. Feb can not come soon enough. It was great. I was even pulled on stage and given a lap dance. I've never had a lap dance before. It was spectacular. I totally see what guys dig in the whole experience. And I came to a conclusion, one that I think every man in the world came to many years ago. I wasn't drinking that much during the stripping, so, i think, if everyone just walked around naked all the time, I believe, that alcoholism would cease to exist. Seriously.

I should point out right now, that most of the foreigners in China aren't that good looking. In fact, I think my standards have dropped by default. Excluding myself of course. Seriously, not to say that everyone else in the world is better looking than Chinese men, because they are, I'm not being specifically racist, I'm saying every asian outside of China is better looking than they are here, but I'm being deprived here. I love strippers.

Anyway, the best part, was after the show, the strippers bought US drinks. It was incredible. They were all from Melbourne, and built like an intricately planned sculptures, in a way that no Chinese man could ever be built. It's all the dumplings. And for a moment, when I was leaving the bar, I decided I loved everything in Shanghai. Especially my stolen wallet and sunglasses. You fucking bastards.

I'm out of here.

Au - fucking - stralia baby!!!!

Guantánamo Bay For Lease

Christoph Büchel and Gianni Motti are beginning negotiations to rent Guantánamo Bay from the Cuban Government. Space – who claims it and how those claims are enforced – is central to their project.



Find out more at http://www.guantanamo-initiative.com.

In contrast with its current function, the Guantanamo Initiative proposes to transform Guantanamo Bay from a military base into a site dedicated to the promotion of culture. The artists envision the creation of a laboratory that situates culture at the center of contemporary debates. This cultural base would promote exchange and dialogue, thereby reinterpreting the existing military infrastructure.

Support their cause.

too much tImE

Sorry, I have a lot of time on my hands to surf through various websites. I came across this forum posting and found it interesting and funny. Especially the last post (well the last one I'm sharing on my site.):

Posted: Aug 19, 2005 - 04:40 AM


Post subject: What is wrong with us?

I want to share with you guys about an article written by Mr. Cam MacMurchy, a Canadian journalist working in Beijing. See the link
http://cn.news.yahoo.com/050818/1350/2egpg.html
Sorry, it is translated into Chinese. I couldn¡¯t find the English Version. Take this chance to brush your Chinese skill.

In a nutshell, he says he doesn¡¯t understand Chinese motivation or attitude towards love. Based on his experience with Chinese girls, He found out most of Chinese are so craving for love. Chinese girls want the confirmation of love only after a few dates. Most of Chinese girls he knows never talk about their boyfriends. For him, Love is a gradually evolved process. You can¡¯t find love just after a few dates.

I couldn¡¯t agree with Cam MacMurchy more. I have been thinking this question for a while. What is the problem with us, the Chinese girls? Why we so craving for love? Why we don¡¯t know how to love?

For those young Chinese women between 25 and 35, we grew up in a culture that nobody talked about love. Not only the love for relationship, also about the simple love for another human being. We didn¡¯t prepare ourselves to face the harsh reality of relationship. There was no book/nobody guide us go through the turbulence early adulthood. The only thing we were taught in high school was studying to be competitive to get into the college. The only thing we were taught in college was studying to be competitive to get a good job. After we got out of college, some Chinese people pocket started to fill of money. They started to have mistresses. Many of young girls preferred to be somebody¡¯s mistress instead of having a job. Those smart and pretty ones all hitched on Mr. Money. I had the strong desire for the material things just like everyone else, but the first job out of college only paid 800rmb, not enough to buy a decent dress. I didn¡¯t know what to do. I was trapped in a dark tunnel. I felt I need the love to get me out.

Our parents couldn¡¯t help at all. They grew up during the Chairman Mao era. The only one they were allowed to love was Mr. Chairman Mao. If you loved somebody more than Chairman Mao, you were a bad person. My mother told they had to read the little Redbook during their wedding saying that Chairman Mao was her ultimate love. I don't blame them. They screwed up more then we do.

Cam MacMurchy is right. Somehow we just want to be in the mood of feeling love even we don¡¯t know we love or not. After many years struggling, I realized that I need a power to center myself, the power is not the love from somebody else, it is the power which resides inside myself.



  Posted: Aug 19, 2005 - 10:39 AM


Maybe Chinese girls, raised under parents such as you describe, are just too intense. They need to relax, spread their wings, and enjoy the freedom that life now offers them .. instead of having one-track minds about love and marriage. The quickest way to scare off a (western) guy is too expect too much, too soon .. (commitment, that is).



  Posted: Aug 19, 2005 - 11:32 AM

I'm not Chinese, but I can see how it can be a problem. I've dated a Chinese man, and he was so surprised at how a western woman (such as myself:) Can be so expressive. I didn't get it back then why he found it so intriguing, but I'm beginning to understand.

China has come out of thousands of years of trying to build itself up. Maybe there wasn't time for Romantic Love? Perhaps now is the time:) I know you all have those romantic songs on the radio, people are yearning for love and to be loved.


  Posted: Aug 19, 2005 - 04:39 PM


half nonsense and half truth



  Posted: Aug 19, 2005 - 06:37 PM


Gradually people are evolving, like 5 years ago never saw someone hugging in public, now see it all the time so, there's hope


  Posted: Aug 19, 2005 - 11:58 PM


like apes


...and no, I didn't write that last post...

Sing a Pore

I'm cutting and pasting this entire New York Times article because it's good, and you should read it. Not just ignore some link I put up:


September 14, 2005

Singapore and Katrina
By THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN

Singapore



There is something troublingly self-indulgent and slothful about America today - something that Katrina highlighted and that people who live in countries where the laws of gravity still apply really noticed. It has rattled them - like watching a parent melt down.



That is certainly the sense I got after observing the Katrina debacle from half a world away here in Singapore - a city-state that, if it believes in anything, believes in good governance. It may roll up the sidewalks pretty early here, and it may even fine you if you spit out your gum, but if you had to choose anywhere in Asia you would want to be caught in a typhoon, it would be Singapore. Trust me, the head of Civil Defense here is not simply someone's college roommate.



Indeed, Singapore believes so strongly that you have to get the best-qualified and least-corruptible people you can into senior positions in the government, judiciary and civil service that its pays its prime minister a salary of $1.1 million a year. It pays its cabinet ministers and Supreme Court justices just under $1 million a year, and pays judges and senior civil servants handsomely down the line.



From Singapore's early years, good governance mattered because the ruling party was in a struggle for the people's hearts and minds with the Communists, who were perceived to be both noncorrupt and caring - so the state had to be the same and more.



Even after the Communists faded, Singapore maintained a tradition of good governance because as a country of only four million people with no natural resources, it had to live by its wits. It needed to run its economy and schools in a way that would extract the maximum from each citizen, which is how four million people built reserves of $100 billion.



"In the areas that are critical to our survival, like Defense, Finance and the Ministry of Home Affairs, we look for the best talent," said Kishore Mahbubani, dean of the Lee Kwan Yew School of Public Policy. "You lose New Orleans, and you have 100 other cities just like it. But we're a city-state. We lose Singapore and there is nothing else. ... [So] the standards of discipline are very high. There is a very high degree of accountability in Singapore."



When a subway tunnel under construction collapsed here in April 2004 and four workers were killed, a government inquiry concluded that top executives of the contracting company should be either fined or jailed.



The discipline that the cold war imposed on America, by contrast, seems to have faded. Last year, we cut the National Science Foundation budget, while indulging absurd creationist theories in our schools and passing pork-laden energy and transportation bills in the middle of an energy crisis.



We let the families of the victims of 9/11 redesign our intelligence organizations, and our president and Congress held a midnight session about the health care of one woman, Terri Schiavo, while ignoring the health crisis of 40 million uninsured. Our economy seems to be fueled lately by either suing each other or selling each other houses. Our government launched a war in Iraq without any real plan for the morning after, and it cut taxes in the middle of that war, ensuring that future generations would get the bill.



Speaking of Katrina, Sumiko Tan, a columnist for the Sunday edition of The Straits Times in Singapore, wrote: "We were shocked at what we saw. Death and destruction from natural disaster is par for the course. But the pictures of dead people left uncollected on the streets, armed looters ransacking shops, survivors desperate to be rescued, racial divisions - these were truly out of sync with what we'd imagined the land of the free to be, even if we had encountered homelessness and violence on visits there. ... If America becomes so unglued when bad things happen in its own backyard, how can it fulfill its role as leader of the world?"



Janadas Devan, a Straits Times columnist, tried to explain to his Asian readers how the U.S. is changing. "Today's conservatives," he wrote, "differ in one crucial aspect from yesterday's conservatives: the latter believed in small government, but believed, too, that a country ought to pay for all the government that it needed.



"The former believe in no government, and therefore conclude that there is no need for a country to pay for even the government that it does have. ... [But] it is not only government that doesn't show up when government is starved of resources and leached of all its meaning. Community doesn't show up either, sacrifice doesn't show up, pulling together doesn't show up, 'we're all in this together' doesn't show up."

围观

So I have a Chinese tutor that comes by a couple times a week and attempts to teach me this God forsaken language. The book I'm studying from is translated to Speak Mandarin, Talk About Culture. I don't know why I've chosen this book to study from. I find Chinese culture a painful topic. Especially in Mandarin.

Anyway, a couple weeks ago we were reading about 管闲事 (guan xian shi) and 围观 (wei guan). 管闲事 translates as 'mind other's business' or 'make everyone's business one's own'. 围观 is to 'surround and watch' or 'encircle'. These are both common activities in China. At first I thought it was just because I was a foreigner that people always surrounded me when I bought food, for instance. However, a number of events have happened that have enlightened me to the fact that the Chinese butt in to every situation. Except maybe some of the important ones.

The other day I was on my bus going to work. I ride the double decker bus. Anyway, a bus in front of us pulled away from the stop and a car behind it ran into it. This was on one of the most crowded streets in Shanghai. The bus was pulled across the two lanes, with only a little space on the right to pull through. Both the bus driver and the car driver got out of their vehicles and started yelling at each other. Between my bus and the bus that had been hit was one other regular decker bus and about three other cars. A huge crowd gathered in the middle of the street to watch the fight between the bus driver and the car driver. Eventually a couple of cops arrived at the scene. The entire time the bus in front of mine was trying it's best to squeeze by the little space allowed on the right side of stopped bus. After about ten minutes it succeeded. The three cars behind that bus followed it. Other cars started to pull around my bus and get by. My bus couldn't squeeze through the space on the right of the street because the branches from the trees surrounding the street hang too low, and if attempted, my fellow passengers and I on the second floor of the bus would be taken out by the trees. So my bus pulled across the road to the left near a large stream of oncoming traffic. Of course, it couldn't pass on the left b/c of the large stream of oncoming traffic. So it just ended up blocking traffic on my side of the road further. We sat like that for another 5 minutes or so with people screaming and honking horns and 100 people in my bus pressed up against the windows watching the scene until a police officer realized what was going on and had the bus that had been hit move. I wasn't too late for work.

This weekend I was walking down the street when a guy in front of me grabbed his girlfriend by the hair and threw her into a street advertisement where the characters for "Creating a More Civilized City Area" were written. People kind of slowed down to watch. She put up a fight for a bit and then became submissive. Not even the police officers standing by watching did anything.

Last night I watched a German film called "Stroszek". It's about a man who is released from prison and comes to the US with his girlfriend to start a new life in Wisconsin. They confiscate his pet bird at customs. His mobile home is sold in auction when he can't pay for it. His girlfriend begins prostituting herself to truck drivers and eventually runs off with a couple of them to Vancouver. He steels a tow truck and holds up a convenience store for only $32 and a frozen turkey. He ends up in an amusement area that has a dancing chicken, a rabbit that drives a toy fire engine, and a rooster that plays the piano. He rides the ski lift around once and then shoots himself at the realization of what has become of his American dream. I don't think I've ever been so homesick before.

bill gates is a loser

Stupid microsoft. Did you really think you could work with China?


He testified that one of the lowest moments of his career with Microsoft was a conversation in which Gates yelled at him and said the company had been "f-----" by the Chinese people and its government.

I wake up and say the same thing every morning.

Josh in China

My photo's from when my friend Josh was here are up. You can check out the highlights from my flickr badge, or else visit his webpage for the full set.

Here are a couple of my faves:

Tibet Freedom

Smiling faces were everywhere as people celebrated the 40th birthday of the Tibet Autonomous Region

I saw this on TV. They did look kind of happy. Maybe the Beastie Boys and the Tibet Freedom Concert have it all wrong...

In other news, I actually did end up leaving the house this weekend. It didn't take much. Just a bar invite. In case you were worried...

Also, news on how China is handling their "hurricane". It looks a little better than the other super power.

服饰与美容

It came to my attention the other day, that I have failed to mention the most important development in China this millennium - the release of Vogue China. Finally I can rip out pages from a quality magazine for my tailor to copy, rather than that crap Cosmopolitan and Elle that I've been using. You can imagine my shock and disgust when I realized I was grasping the hands of the Chinese representative and jumping up and down yelling "Vogue's in China! Vogue's in China!" at it's premier in the Jingan mall - where nothing is sold for less than 1000 USD. What an event. This happened about a month ago.

This brings me to the next groundbreaking event in China - a release of an "American Idol"-like TV show called "Super Girl". Guy's aren't invited to participate. I actually haven't been watching because Chinese music makes me sick. The number one hit here - that's been around since I arrived here in January - haunts my dreams. It's everywhere. I don't even know the words. I can sing it, but I have no idea what I'm saying, and I've seen the characters, which all seem too complex for me to look up. I think they're something along the lines of 'you lied and betrayed me but I still love you.' It doesn't matter, it's total crap. If they really wanted to fuck up the inmates at Guantanamo, they'd play that non-stop instead of the theme to Sesame Street. It's more or less played non-stop here and I'm barely holding on to my sanity.

Anyway, I think they announced the winner of "Super Girl". It was a tough competition full of scandal. Apparently there were rumors going around that the winner was a lesbian because she never wore skirts and had a short haircut and people said she had a wife. Well whatever, she emerged victorious. And life goes on.

No, I haven't forgotten about the terrible hurricane. In fact, last night I was at my friend's apartment, which is much nicer than mine, so he has access to BBC news and CNN. CNN was crap as always, but BBC was doing good coverage. Likening the situation to that of the tsunami although less organized and more pathetic. "The richest nation in the world thrown into horrific, third-world standards because the money that could have been used to prevent this problem was diverted to a useless, fake war instead." At least the rest of the world holds the US with some respect. It actually was a bit embarrassing for me to watch how terrible the situation is being handled since I was the only American in the room. So I mostly just ended up shouting profanities at bushie all night.

I'm currently debating whether I should leave my house for the next couple days. I have to go to work at some point on Monday, but I may just have some food and alcohol delivered to my apartment and call it a weekend. I'm in that state of mind right now. I've got my vogue, about 1000 pirated dvds to choose from, and internet connection. I should be okay.

LA goes blue?

"Tensions over funding for the New Orleans levees emerged more than a year ago when a local official asserted money had been diverted to pay for the Iraq war."

So, now that he's lied to us, fucked up our economy, killed literally tens of thousands of civilians around the globe (including those in his own country), and drowned an entire city, will we impeach him?

No, of course not. We'll probably change the constitution so he can stay in another 4 years.

And all Clinton did was get a little lovin'.

We have only ourselves to blame.

the associated press

Links to photo 1, photo 2

sue america

I have to say, I am saddened by the amount of death that has occurred this week. Thousands dead due to a hurricane. Another thousand dead due to a stampede. It's all very traumatic.

I have to admit, I don't like seeing bad things happen to America. Although I realize the bubble of safety that I learned engulfs America when I was young doesn't actually exist, it's still kind of sad to see it actually penetrated. To someone who grew up watching the horrors of the rest of the world safely on TV from her suburban home, it seems a bit backwards to now be sitting in the People's Republic of China and looking at pictures of weeping wives next to their recently deceased husbands on a river bank in America. I've been saying this is going to be the case for the past ten years, but I never actually believed my words. If you get me on a rant about the state of the world, I always go off on the perceived safety of America, and how it's on a downward spiral, and we'll all be aware of this in ten years.

But it's a terrible thing that happened to New Orleans. I had a great time when I was there. Full of the best kind of sin. I can't believe the entire city is now underwater. Though with ancient levees and PBS programs predicting this, it really shouldn't be that unbelievable.

In Asia news, I think another Typhoon is headed our way. Fortunately I think Taiwan is going to take the brunt for the mainland. So Shanghai should be okay. Just a little more wind and rain for us.

I read an article today that a Chinese man is suing Deloitte Touche in China for treating Taiwan and China as separate countries on their website. He claims it has caused him years of mental anguish and shame as a Chinese citizen. Most lawmakers think the lawsuit will fall through.

When we heard about the stampede in China, it was like one of our worst China fears coming true. Everyone's waiting for something to spark mass chaos and copious amounts of death and destruction.

There is a flag raising in Tiananmen Square every morning. When I lived in Beijing four years ago, I went to the National Day ceremonies there. It was so crowded that I was actually lifted off my feet by the crowd. Through a series of pushing and screaming, my friends and I managed to get to the front of the crowd. There was a row of guards holding us back, making sure nobody got too close to the ceremony. I asked the guard if he liked his job. He said nothing.

69

I received the ad today via email, and now I'm going to fly to London just because it's so cool.

Shades of Gray

There is no racism in China because there are no black people. There is no homophobia in China, because there are no homosexuals.

These are the responses you get if you ask a Chinese person about racism, homophobia, or other types of social biases.

The communist party eradicated gender inequality. Tibet, Xinjiang, and Mongolia are all happy to be part of China, but you have to watch yourself around them. The Tibetans are known to be scandalous and thieving. That Dalai Llama... you know he's just about to stab you in the back.

When the Chinese see a black person they refer to them as 黑人 (Black Person). They yell this in the street, it's on T.V., and they address them as such in restaurants and other public places. Every other non-Chinese is just 外国人 or foreigner. A busload of tourists stops in a public area and everyone turns and starts pointing and yelling 'foreigners! foreigners!" On a number of occasions cab drivers have failed to pick me up because I'm a foreigner. But there's no racism in China, so I'll just have to get over it.

I'm going to refer back to "Farewell My Concubine". I'm not sure if you've seen the movie, but a large part of the plot is the relationship the female character opera singer has with his male benefactor and admirer. This movie is one of the pride and joys of Chinese film. How such a large part of the movie can revolve around a homosexual relationship in a country with no homosexuals is pretty impressive.

A lot of Chinese like to tell me they're Christian. When I respond that I am not, they're shocked. "But you're American! What religion are you?" "I'm not." They don't understand, although officially nobody in China has a religion. Communism and all. Most Chinese claim to be Christian and Buddhist and any other religion you happen to mention.

There just aren't the defining lines here that exist elsewhere in the world. Nothing is black and white. Policy, beliefs, ideology are all gray. That's why Communism has 'existed' here successfully for so long. Because it's not really here at all. It never has been. "Communism" is just a term that Western culture uses to define China since definition is a necessary part of our upbringings. There is actually very little definitive about China.

Even in the language. "Yes" and "No" don't exist. There is no word for "Yes" or "No". Everything either is, or isn't. For example, a simple question like, "Have you seen this movie?" The answer is either "seen" or "haven't seen".

Even if you take something that looks as definitive as the yin and the yang, they really aren't at all. Because everything has a little yin and a little yang. Take the symbol and mix it together and all you have is more gray.

The World on Time

I was almost run over by a FedEx truck the other day. Every time I step foot on the streets here, someone is always trying to run me down, either by a car, bike, moped, or general inconsiderate walking. I only took note of the FedEx truck because I hope whatever packages were in it actually got there in time.

Walking on the streets here I'm always confronted with near death experiences. The other day I was walking on the street when a window fell from what looked like a perfectly stable building and smashed on the sidewalk in front of me. Other times crates, dangerously piled up, have decided to fall across my path and spill into the street. Today was a new one. I was walking by a construction zone (not unusual, my neighborhood has changed 3 times since I've been here. I'm waiting to wake up one day and be in a completely new building) and some people were welding something on a building. I reached my arm to scratch my back and about three sparks flew in between the 'V' my arm created. There's nothing I can do about this. Just keep walking.

When people are new in China, they're shocked at how close I walk to traffic. I head straight into oncoming cars with no fear. If you want to get anywhere, it's the only way to do it.

I only mention this in case I meet my death by being crushed by a Haier billboard or some other untimely accident. If this is the case I want both my eulogy and epitaph to be "She knew it was coming."

I was sitting on my balcony this evening, enjoying my limited, smog filled view of the bund. There were cars honking all over the city, about seven people yelling on their cell phones 17 floors below me, some guy ringing a bell for no apparent reason, 10 televisions turned up way beyond necessary, a couple jack hammers, and about 20 other noises that could be declared the most annoying in the world. I've become numb to all of them, but when my roommates alarm went off, I couldn't stand it. I think an alarm clock must be the most annoying noise in the world. I can't stand any of them. The one set on my phone drives me crazy. Once I was in Brookstone and one of their alarms went off. I ran around the store trying to find the source and shut it up.

It's the little things you have to worry about.

End of the World

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

My New Job

I got this email this morning:

Dear Kathryn, Did you know that your particular skills and interest in a career with the government could serve you well in the U.S. Naval Reserve? As someone who works in the government sector, you know the pride that comes from serving your community, your state or your country. In the Naval Reserve, you can extend your service to include helping to safeguard your country's citizens and protect its shores. In exchange for your dedication and part-time commitment, you will gain unique, career-enhancing skills and leadership abilities and receive countless benefits and rewards One of the greatest benefits of joining our force is that you won't have to sacrifice your personal life to serve. Your training sessions will almost always be with the Naval Reserve unit located closest to your home. Click here to see some of the many opportunities available to you in the Naval Reserve. Or, if you would like a Naval Reserve representative to contact you directly, click here.

My real name is Kathryn btw. Nicole is just some alias I was given at birth.

Maybe I'll consider it. As long as I don't have to sacrifice my personal life to serve and my sessions will always be with the Naval Reserve closest to my home (is that Taiwan?), it could be okay. Ha.

nylon stockings

I know I've been MIA for the past week. No, I haven't dug a hole to America, but one of my oldest and dearest friends came to visit for a week. I was hoping we'd both end up in a different country, but alas, it appears as though I'm still in China and he's moved on back to the union.

It was his first time in China. He doesn't really do third world so we tried to avoid that as much as possible. It pretty much impossible to avoid bicycles and people spitting and peeing on the streets here, but we took as many cabs as possible. We went up to Beijing last weekend. According to my friend, they are not ready for the Olympic games and never will be. Sorry HJ. Beijing really is a shithole though. When we flew in we couldn't see the city until we were 10 feet above it because the pollution was so bad. Cab drivers wouldn't pick us up because we're white, or standing in the wrong place, or because they are fucking assholes. It was very, very hot and the BJ doesn't believe in AC. All the good bars have been ripped down and replaced with shopping centers and all the shopping centers suck. There's too much government and bureaucracy and the expats are all big China losers who think they're better than Shanghai expats.

The duck is good though. I do like my Peking duck. But I've been told I can get that in Shanghai, so hopefully I'll never have to leave this city again.

We also went up to the Great Wall. The most useless manmade piece of architecture in the history of the world. And it resembles Disney Land. But it's really old and exploitable and therefore interesting. I think I disillusioned a couple from the Philippines who had us take their picture.

"This is a once in a life time experience!"

"Actually, this is my seventh time here."

I've since realized that was a lie. It was only my sixth. But hey, everyone who comes to China wants to see the Wall. I wish it was similar to the experience Pink Floyd creates, but it's not. It's good, but it's not that good.

Anyway, the part of the wall we went to was a part I've never been to before. It was cool because it had a toboggan ride from the wall back to the parking lot. It was really unsafe and rickety and a lot of fun. I enjoyed my historic, Great Wall, toboggan experience.

Anyway, we got back to Shanghai as quickly as the night train could carry us with only a three-day stomachache to show for Beijing. Goddamn duck.

There's a magnetic levitation (maglev) train that runs from a subway stop to the airport in Shanghai. It's the fastest train in the world, and since I had never ridden it before I decided to escort my friend to the airport for the ride. It was fun. You kind of had a rush afterwards. 30k in 8 minutes. I think our top speed was 431 kph. Not bad. It's really fast and at times you’re on about a 55-degree angle with the ground. And the train isn't even on tracks, it floats the entire way. Too bad the Chinese still managed to fuck it up by connecting it to the most inconvenient subway station in the city and having it only run from 8-5:30 (not a time when most international flights arrive and take off from Shanghai.)

So anyway, as I was waiting to get on the Maglev for the airport I overheard a blond American chick ask if 'this one went to the airport?' (There are only two stops, the subway station and the airport.) This made me promptly not miss America at all and realize why I'm not there. However, on the way back to the subway station I watched a fat little Chinese kid wearing mid-calf nylon stockings run in circles and bang a half-empty plastic water bottle against his head while his mother took about a minute to gather all the phlegm and spit and mucus and saliva in her mouth before forcefully spitting it in the ashtray. My options of Yankee Doodle and Doodle Dipshits aren't the greatest choices I've had in life.

As I was helping my friend check in I made a comment that I was jealous he was leaving all this. His response was, "But you love it here." I found that extremely depressing for a number of reasons. I really am a masochist.

If I had more money I would have just jumped on any of the other flights leaving while I was there. Frankfurt, Manila, and Tokyo were just a credit card swipe away.

But I'm still here. In Shanghai, in the PRC, and someone bought the apartment next to ours and is renovating the entire inside. I wake up to saws and hammers every morning (7:20 this morning!), and on my way to the elevator I step over Chinese construction workers sleeping in the hallway.

friendster message

Hi, I am a chinese who is working in Shenzhen,

Message:
Hi, I am a chinese who is working in Shenzhen,
China. I work for an internet company as marketing
and operating director. I like to make more friends
from all over the world. I like playing football and
tennis ball and Karaokay. Communicating with
friends is a great joy to me. Would you like to be
my friend? We can exchange opnions on
marketing and cooperation management, we also
can talk about economic and chinese tarde. To
me, it is also a good way to practice my english.

Larry Liu's Blog

social light

I have now reached the pinnacle of society. Yes, yes, that's right. My smiling face has appeared in the Shanghai social pages. Pages normally reserved for head's of state, celebrities, royalty, and now me. As far as I can tell, I no longer have to go on living because my life can't get any better than it is right now. I might as well retire my socialite position, move to the suburbs, consider the galleria a cultural event, and start contributing to the overpopulation of the world.

No, it's alright though. I bumped into a friend of mine who told me about it last night. Yes I did decide to go out. Sure driving was a little dangerous, and we were hydroplaning the entire way, but if you're not willing to take risks in life, why bother living? Also, I was thirsty. So for the past couple days I've been published and I didn't even realize it. Amazing. It's a good picture too, I'm wearing a cute top and everything.

Anyway, I must depart for brunch now. I can't keep my fans waiting.

台风

I am actually sitting in the middle of a typhoon as I write this. Typhoon Matsa is sweeping across Shanghai as I type. It's pretty exciting. I've never been in a typhoon before. I was out celebrating a friend's birthday last night on a rooftop restaurant when it hit. The restaurant is under glass, so it was really neat to see the rain slamming into the sides and all around. Until it started coming in and getting us wet. Then we had to move, and eventually leave and go to the secret entrance bar again. But that closed early because there was a wedding there today, which I really think takes away the whole secret aspect. Don't worry though, I got my fill of typhoon cocktails to steady my nerves.

Typhoon in chinese is 台风 (taifeng), which literally means 'platform wind'. You got to love the Chinese. I originally thought that was just a phonetic translation from a Japanese word but apparently I'm wrong:

The history of typhoon presents a perfect example of the long journey that many words made in coming to English. It traveled from Greece to Arabia to India, and also arose independently in China, before assuming its current form in our language. The Greek word tuphōn, used both as the name of the father of the winds and a common noun meaning “whirlwind, typhoon,” was borrowed into Arabic during the Middle Ages, when Arabic learning both preserved and expanded the classical heritage and passed it on to Europe and other parts of the world. Ṭūfān, the Arabic version of the Greek word, passed into languages spoken in India, where Arabic-speaking Muslim invaders had settled in the 11th century. Thus the descendant of the Arabic word, passing into English (first recorded in 1588) through an Indian language and appearing in English in forms such as touffon and tufan, originally referred specifically to a severe storm in India. The modern form of typhoon was influenced by a borrowing from the Cantonese variety of Chinese, namely the word taaîfung, and respelled to make it look more like Greek. Taaîfung, meaning literally “great wind,” was coincidentally similar to the Arabic borrowing and is first recorded in English guise as tuffoon in 1699. The various forms coalesced and finally became typhoon, a spelling that first appeared in 1819 in Shelley's Prometheus Unbound.

Wow, gun powder, paper, noodles, and now typhoons. What can't the Chinese do?

I was actually supposed to be in America for my cousin's wedding this weekend, but then I would have missed the typhoon. But congratulations Ben and Natalie, hope you had an amazing, typhoon-free ceremony. Wish I were there.

I was actually totally in the dark that a typhoon was headed my way. I was walking around on Friday thinking that it was a pretty windy day and then a friend of mine clued me in. Also, the Koreans were on top of it. Typhoon sounds the same in Korean as well. So anyway, I'm stuck in my house today because I don't like the wind, and I don't want to get wet, and you know, there’s a typhoon out there. They aren't kidding when they say torrential rains. Water is streaming down my windows right now, and I live on the 17th floor. I may study, or just stare at the wall for the rest of the day. I haven't really decided.

So anyway, that's where I'm at. Wish me luck.

toolings

I used to have a thing against the French. I remember realizing one day that I had visited France more than any other country and being completely horrified. I no longer have a huge problem with France, but I did get a similar appalling feeling the other day when it occurred to me that I have now lived in China longer than any other country. Except America of course.

A couple years ago I had a family holiday in upstate New York. It was at one of those resort-type places where there is a set schedule of activities, like in Dirty Dancing. Anyway, it was as exciting as family vacations can be. All I really remember from it was some game involving a racquet and net that wasn't ping-pong or tennis and I didn't play it anyway b/c I had too much of an attitude, some misunderstanding concerning a massage, expensive phone calls, and a lot of scrabble. Oh, and apparently toolings is a word.

Anyway, I relive that vacation every day. I play a version of scrabble with my Korean kids. We wrote a bunch of letters on pieces of paper. Only they get to choose 20 letters each, and everyone can see each other's pieces, and you can swap letters with other people. Which should make this the easiest game in the world, but some problems still arise. I try to keep it challenging by only taking 10 letters for myself and not swapping. So I end up with a lot of Zs, Qs, and Xes. Also I have to pick specific letters to make a word from to keep the game spreading and prevent it from bunching in one corner. And the word has to be long and easy enough (so toolings is out of the question.) But it's all right. They seem to like it. I'm personally never going to play scrabble again, but that's just what I got out of it.

I went to this really cool bar last night. You need to know a secret combination to get in the door, and once inside it's fucking amazing. I was drinking from test tubes all night. I woke up this morning a bit hung over, which isn't unusual. If I didn't work with children I'd be drunk all the time. Anyway, I put on my sunglasses and headphones as I do every day. I walked outside and felt a bit off only to realize it was raining. When you live in your own little world you forget about the outside.

I see you baby...

I spend a lot of time at the gym here. Around 10 hours a week usually. Most expats do. This doesn't mean I'm in shape or look good or anything, there's just nothing else to do. In fact, according to a recent self-assessment, I'm the worst I've looked in about four years. Which, coincidentally, is the last time I was in China. But I'll leave here one day and get tan and good looking and happy again.

When my friend was visiting she was looking through my pictures from last year. We came across one of me in a bikini smiling on a beach. Her response was, "Wow, you look so tan and happy." I was.

Anyway, the gym in China is a great experience. I'll start off with describing the locker room. Whatever modesty exists in China goes out the door in the locker room. You immediately enter a sea of naked bodies. Women are sitting naked everywhere, chatting, putting on various oils, eating food, it's a little shocking. I go in the mornings, so that means I run into a lot of Chinese house wives. They all have scars across their stomachs. I think it's from c-sections, but they're all pretty big, and really not very attractive. A friend of mine also pointed out that a lot of chinese girls have dark circles on their butts. I don't know what that's all about. I don't really feel bad talking about Chinese bodies, because they all just sit around naked and talk about how pink my nipples are and how big my hips are. Yes, I understand what you're saying.

So there are signs posted all over the locker room that are completely and totally ignored. For example, outside the steam room and sauna there are signs for no eating, putting on lotion or hair oil, or talking loudly. The talking loudly one is clearly broken immediately. I don't think there's such thing as an 'inside voice' here. The other day I entered the steam room. I couldn't tell how many people were in there because the steam was pretty thick, but through the mist I heard a women biting into an apple and slowly chewing. The same goes for lychies, peaches, oranges, etc, etc. The sauna is pretty much a salon. People are always putting on lotion and hair oil. Always. So much for signage. I haven't been in the men’s changing room yet, but my roommate tells me there is a sign 'Hair dryers are for the use of head hair only." As he was puzzling over that one day he looked across to see some guy drying his crotch. So that's the changing room.

For some reason Chinese girls like to wrap themselves in saran wrap before they work out. That seems amazingly uncomfortable to me, but so do most of the work out clothes worn. Ski pants are pretty popular. A lot of women walk around in their heals and take them off the stretch and sit on the machines with their friends. A lot of guys where tevas and black socks. There are a lot of black socks. Also jeans, nice tank tops, converse, and carpenter pants are popular.

I think about three Chinese people know how to use the machines correctly. The rest is just an abuse. Sitting on them backwards, thrusting, pushing, it’s crazy. They'll hurt themselves like that. A lot of people like to walk backwards on the treadmills. I don't know what that's about. Also a lot of people put the treadmills at about speed 7.2, which I normally have to jog at, but they walk, holding onto the sides for their lives.

It's hilarious, it really is. The classes are pretty good too. A lot of aerobics and 80's style workouts. It worked for Jane Fonda.

But I have to go to the gym. It's my release. If I didn't I'd have way too much pent up energy. I'd be shoving Chinese in the streets and pushing them off bicycles. I just get on the treadmill, put on my music, think about what pisses me off, and run, run, run.

Who is gay in China?

So apparently there's another 'mystery bug' spreading around China and killing people. Unfortunately for me, and probably everyone in China, all the information concerning it is on BBC news, thus I am unable to access it. Should be interesting. I'm insured.

So I was teaching my Chinese MD last week. We started talking about the state of the world and what not. Anyway, he started laughing (actually leaning back, holding his stomach, laughing out loud) about the bombings in London. The first set he was indifferent to, but the second ignited something greater in him.

"Britain is supposed to be a world power! hahahaha! But they've been bombed!!! hahahahaha! Twice!!!!! hahahaha."

I said nothing and just sat there and looked at him suppressing every desire to say, "Millions of Chinese die in industrial accidents every year. Your government suppresses uprising due to problems relating to excessive industrial and economic growth. All your government officials are corrupt and embezzle from your own state banks. Yet you call yourself a developing country. You'll never get the -ing changed to an -ed, unless there's an under in front of it. You're growth bubble will burst and you'll all drop like flies. And we won't even laugh at you - well I probably will - but the other countries will help you." Like the Chinese, I'm not British; however, unlike the Chinese, I am human.

Anyway, of course I didn't say any of that because he probably wouldn't have understood it anyway. So I assigned Churchill's Iron Curtain speech instead. Back in the good old days when it was okay to talk about the English speaking countries binding together to control the world and China was referred to as Manchuria.

Anyway, this is just a bitter Chinese rant. I was actually having a 'like China' week last week. I don't remember why. I think because I was watching "Farwell My Concubine" and it sort of makes China look interesting. Which leads me to another story. My MD gave me FMC to watch and practice my Chinese. He was telling me how one of the actors had killed himself because he had a mental disorder. Later that week I was reading the City Weekend which had the article 'Who's Gay in China?' (apparently everyone.) Anyway, according to the article the actor killed himself b/c of the gay rumors going around about him. Go China!

i-a

On Wednesday I went to a bar called Tang Hui. I'm there most Wednesdays because my roommate and his blues band play there. It's all dim and red inside with bed like couches and posters of Bob Marley, The Doors, and Che Guervara among others. I was sitting at a table with a PhD student doing his dissertation on post 1949 Chinese film and another student on a grant doing research on corporate ethics. The PhD student did his undergrad at Harvard, but was now at UC San Diego because of the Chinese studies. He normally lives in Beijing but is down in Shanghai on research. He is also working on translating the 'Chinese Odyssey'. The other student had recently returned from a conference on corporate ethics in Moscow. The PhD student brought up how he had run across recently released archives on American journalists living in Shanghai in the 1930's. Although America and Europe was suffering from the depression, American's in Shanghai lived in obscene houses with affluent lifestyles and spent most their time in pubs separated from the Chinese populace. We all noted how the situation was very similar to Shanghai today.

On Thursday I went to dinner at a restaurant called Element Fresh. I had a duck sandwich with slices of apple and split a bottle of South African sauvignon blanc. I was dining mostly with a bunch of undergrads that were in Shanghai for the summer on internships. A little idealistic and optimistic but the food was good. One of the girls was visiting a friend who was out here. She had recently graduated from university and was planning on moving to New York once she finished traveling in China. Although she majored in American History she wanted to pursue a career in dance and was planning on auditioning at a bunch of companies in the city. So sure and full of hope, it just makes you want to burst. We grabbed an after dinner drink at the Ritz Carleton's Long Bar. We sat next to a bunch of WASPs who had just arrived in China and were complaining that cab drivers didn't know addresses. I ignored them but my friend explained to them a service here where you can text message where you want to go and it will instantly reply with the address in chinese and english. Their response was, "You're sober enough to text message?!"

On Friday night I went to see the hip-hop group Far East Movement. They claim to be the only all-Asian hip-hop group from America. When we arrived at the club there were a bunch of 15-16 year old Asian Americans standing around. Two girls got in a bitch fight and were pulling each other's hair while the guys were walking around going, "yo, where we at to next, yo? what about the show, yo?" The even more affluent lifestyle of an American teenager attending American School in China. The Far East Movement debuted their first show in China with the song "Let's give a shout to the Californ-i-a yo!!!! repeat repeat repeat " Everyone was ecstatic.

Last night I was feeling a bit tired so only went out for a proper Shanghai dinner.

I woke up today to go and meet the Shanghai Boat and Yacht Club. I spent the day sailing on a man made lake 45 minutes outside of Shanghai. It was fun. I met a guy who had designed "The New Chinese Yacht." It sleeps seven (which is necessary on a small man made lake.) He hopes to get at least half the population of China interested in sailing and buying his boat. I'm sure that will happen. It was a pretty ridiculous boat actually.

So anyway, that was my week. I don't plan on doing anything this week. I may buy the pirated box sets of Desperate Housewives and Six Feet Under and watch them until my brain starts to ooze and social interaction seems painfully necessary again. There's also an art exhibit entitled Electrospace I may go zone out to for a bit.

I don't have any silly Chinese stories for you today. I thought I'd focus on the ridiculous expats instead. I should probably leave this country soon.

hooters

Yeah I know it's been a while but I've been busy. Seriously. I think I'm developing a life. Or just good dillusions.

Anyway, terrible about London. I really can't believe it happened. It was hard to get news here. The top story on CCTV was how the weather was effecting Chinese consumers. I was here during September 11th. The Chinese reaction to terrorism is extreme indifference. It's just part of being Chinese. The managing director I tutor said terrorism is because of class differences. I told him that most of the terrorists were pretty wealthy. His mind was set. It's all because of the gap between rich and poor.

I kept falling asleep in class today, which is impressive because my largest class is only 3 people. When I was a student I always hoped my teachers would call in sick, I never thought the teachers hoped the students woul be ill. My students taught me how to write my name phonetically in Korean characters. It's pretty cool. I think I'm hooked. I think it even looks cooler than my Chinese name. Maybe I'll start taking Korean. Ha. They've also convinced me to go to Korea. They tell me it's much cooler than China and their main reason is that there aren't as many Chinese around. I'm convinced. It may be a bit on the cold side though. I don't like being cold.

I'm trying to go off MSG. I think it actually is screwing my body up. And my dreams were getting just bizarre. As far as I know I don't think I've had any for about 4 or 5 days, which is really impressive. Of course that means not eating any Chinese food, which is a little expensive, but it may work out for the better.

WSJ just IMed me. Apparantly there's anti-Chinese sentiment in Congress. And I thought I had no respect for the senate.

Anyway, what I was about to write was that I went to a diner on Sunday. There motto is 'no chopsticks required'. I had a taco salad. It was so wrong for so many reasons. The manager was from southern cali and used to work at Shanghai Hooters but decided the diner was more interesting. Yes, communist China has a Hooters. Little asian girls with enormous tits. Actually, I don't really know that, I haven't been yet. Maybe next Sunday.

hot

It's really hot here. Supposedly record temperatures. I"m not entirely sure. I haven't worn pants for weeks. I just walk around in shorts, skirts, and small tops, glisten with sweat, and strip as soon as I enter my house. It's even hot in the middle of the night. I wake up in a pool of sweat every morning. Our electricity bill is going to be through the roof b/c our ac is always on. I'm waiting for the power to go out. That should be good. I'm constantly drinking throughout the day. I've been spending copious amounts of time at Starbucks and other coffee shops just to keep cool. But it's not so bad.

I don't really mind the heat. I'd rather be hot than cold. And a burst of ac when you walk inside is always nice. But it's fighting weather. People are more confrontational in the heat. Or at least I am. Something may happen walking around this mug of a city.

There are a bunch of people with whistles at major intersections that are supposed to control traffic. They're mostly just annoying. Today I was waiting to cross the road. I took a step into the street and the guy started blowing his whistle at me. I wasn't planning on crossing, just wanted to be ahead of the crowd. Anyway, I didn't move. He just sat there blowing his whistle at me and waving his arm. Finally he walked up to me. We stood about a foot apart just looking at each other for a couple seconds. Finally I said, "What?"

He just looked at me with his whistle in his mouth. We were daring each other.

Then I went, "Oh, you want me to step back?"

We both smiled and the light changed and I crossed.

I don't know why I did it. I'm telling you, it's fighting weather.

human nature.

I would like to give you a quote from Uncle Bunny's Big Book of Stories. One of my Korean kids is reading from this:

"That is called growing up" I said. "Some of us change a lot, the way you did. Some of us just become a different size. I used to be a little bunny. Now I'm just bigger.
"Growing up is fun, Uncle Bunny," Angel said. "I'm glad I learned to fly."


Angel is a butterfly by the way.

Wow, they tell us from an early age that we're just going to become a different size. And yet we aspire.

Remember when we were kids and we used to pull our eyes into slants and say "me Chinese" and everyone laughed until we realized it may be racist. Well, my Korean kids were doing that today. It's not racism, it's just part of human nature.

I learned a lot in Kindergarten

I'm not sure how wide spread this was in the news but John Walton died in a plane crash the other day.

This actually managed to coincide with a class I'm doing tomorrow on an article entitled "WalMart - Strategies for Market Dominance". Not the Koreans but this other guy I give private lessons to. I promise you I didn't plan it that way, it just worked out like that.

My student also wants me to give him a 10 minute run down on the issues in America and Americans and Bush. I got online to try to find some non-biased information on that subject but ran across this website instead:

http://home.capecod.net/~tpanitz/ejoke/j10.html

I can't really talk about this subject without bringing my own opinions into the matter, but I've already told him that.

In our last class we talked about the differences between Chinese and Western employees. How the Chinese always need one strong leader to lead them. We were studying an article released by BAH on the Chinese organizational DNA in corporations. How companies run better in China with one strong leader, but once that leader leaves or dies they all fall apart. The guy I teach agreed with that completely.

He then asked me about the corporate make up in America and I started telling him about teamwork and stuff. When he asked me about what defines co-operation I started talking about listening to others opinions, not rejecting other ideas, working together for a final solution, and all that jazz.

He replied that co-operation could never exist in China. The Chinese don't listen to each others opinions, they reject other peoples ideas right away, and they never work together. And he was born and raised in China. They don't even like themselves.

His final question was how we could manage co-operation in the west. I told him we were raised to work together in groups, share our toys when we were young, say please and thank you, not cut in line, etc, etc.

He couldn't believe it.

I'm not making any of this up.

So. Onto WalMart and Christian fundamentalists tomorrow. Can't wait.

ars

A much better Shanghai blog than mine:



I think I have some kind of acute respiratory syndrome. I'm all stuffy and coughing. It sucks. So I've been trying to stay in and get better. And it's been really hot here. I hate being sick in the summer. It's shit.

alive? again

This city is fucking fabulous.

I bet you all thought I was dead. And really, even I'm a little suprised I'm still alive. I keep looking down and expecting to see my body bleeding profusely or have a limb missing, but I seem okay. It was a bit of a crazy week. It was just mad. I didn't think I had that kind of blind stupidity left in me but apparantly it's alive and well.

A good friend of mine was in for the week so we went all out. I hadn't seen her in about a year and a half. And since she doesn't know how to access this blog, can't because she's in China, and doesn't actually know what a blog is, we can talk about her. So here's a secret note: I sent out an email to some people last week some time and for the picture of the 'dude' look at the top of this blog.

Maybe that note wasn't so secret.

I went to a beach bbq last sunday (like a week and a half ago.) It was pretty good. It wasn't so much a beach as a strip of sand near the airport near a swamp. I got sunburned. I was at a gay bar Friday night/Saturday morning. Chinese queens are bitches. I think there were a lot of tequila shots throughout the week. I hate tequila. And I know that too.

The Chinese have just become annoying props in my life. I don't speak Chinese unless I'm telling a cab driver where to go. Whenever I go out I'm surrounded by 'foreigners'. I even teach Koreans. It's brilliant.

Let's see what else...

A couple of months ago I told a good friend of mine that every time I think I've lost all my innocence something happens to remind me I had a little left. I don't know if I feel that way any more.

Shanghai baby. Shanghai.

hello

"The internet has profited many people, but it also has brought many problems, such as sex, violence, feudal superstitions and other harmful information that has seriously poisoned people's spirits."

I actually agree with this. I think my spirit has been poisoned by the internet. But I guess there's no way of testing this since I've been online since I was ten years old.

Here's one for you: I don't go 'in chat rooms', or haven't since I was like 14 years old. But the only time I was ever propositioned for sex online was when I was 12. And I'm guessing my little friend on the other side wasn't. Thank you AOL.

There's this guy on my street who yells "Hello" at every foreigner who passes. He will actually stop what he's doing and run across the street, or down the block to say it. I've never replied but he keeps saying it to me every time I walk down my street. I've talked to other whities in my building and they say he get's them too. Today I saw him almost get hit by a car trying to run up to a group of four walking down the street.

I like to think he has a mental disorder, but sadly I don't think he does. This is Shanghai and I live in a pretty foreign area. The luxury of seeing us has worn off everyone else, I don't understand why this guy is still so fascinated. Maybe I'll stop and have a conversation with him some day. Probably not.

the force

Darth Vader was my favorite superhero growing up. He was actually probably tied with Superman. And Bazooka from GI Joe.

Anyway, I was having a conversation about the new Star Wars today. This guy was telling me about how it shows how Anakin switches over to the dark side. I said how I would join the dark side if given the chance. Everyone laughed but I was totally serious. I've tried several times but something keeps holding me back...

So as I was walking home I stopped to flip through some pirated dvds being sold on the side of the street. As I was going through the piles of Korean soft-core porn I caught a glimps of Star Wars III, so I bought it. So all you people bragging about being the first to watch Star Wars in the theaters, well fuck you, I own it.

It was okay. I actually never saw the second Star Wars but I picked up on the plot pretty quickly. I don't like Luke even as a baby. And the Emperor pisses me off too. If I were on the dark side I'd run it the right way. Darth Vader is still my hero. Except in that moment of weakness when he saves his son. Loser.

I'm not sure about the whole political aspect. Is John Kerry Obi Wan? Or Yoda? And if Anakin is supposed to be bushie where's the lesson there? That in twenty years when Jenna tries to take him over he'll all of the sudden turn good? That's not a good story. And anyway, I always figured Lucas as a closet Republican. Or at least someone with a strong uniform fetish.

I went to bed at 5 am this morning and woke up at noon when my Ayi came to clean. I'm a little tired. I joined a gym and have to wake up and work out tomorrow. I'm excited. I got a free facial for signing up.

newly narcissistic nicole

This city is spectacular. I've had at least one cheese product a day for the past week.

So what am I doing here? Well I'm currently teaching Korean students and a couple of other private tutor sessions. Hopefully temporarily. Until I take over the world. It's in the works. I have to say Koreans are significantly more intelligent than the Chinese. One of my 12 year old students on his peer Tom:

"The last teacher called him 'Tiny Tom'. He used the alliteration."

I don't think I could say that when I was 12. Fuck, I'm not entirely sure what it means now.

Anyway, I don't know what I'm talking about right now. I've been drinking scotch and snacking on a baguette with balsamic vinegar and olive oil all night.

Did I tell you I love this city?

I mean, of course it's still a little bit China. Like sometimes you're walking home and you have to walk through a wet spot on the street because it's unavoidable. And as you're walking through it it's a bit slippery and squishy under your feet, and you're hoping it's not what you think it is, but know that it probably is. Then you just have to turn up your iPod, try not to breathe, and think of the cheese sandwhich that's waiting for you back at home.

I've put up pics of my new place. My camera doesn't do it justice but my room is pretty nice and big. It's about half the size of my entire apartment in Lin'an. And I have hot water all the time. And an Ayi that comes twice a week. I don't even have to do my own laundry. Or clean at all.

This city is great.