Eastasia

Last year I came across a copy of R.D. Laing's The Divided Self. Since I had nothing else to read I thought I'd give it a go. It's written about schizophrenia in the 1920's before they realized all the chemical stuff involved. So it's all entirely observation of how schizophrenics perceive themselves in the world.

"She could feel everything, except being alive and real."

I read that passage and was convinced I was schizoid for about 3 months after. I kind of feel that way now. I'm just ranting into cyberspace. You might as well tie a sandwichboard to me and throw me in the middle of some city. The news keeps me paranoid, my ego keeps me delusional, and the msg keeps me hallucinating. People don't even email me anymore. I'm just on a quick descent to somewhere. The only reason I keep posting on this blog is so my mom knows I'm still alive.

I think we can all agree that the internet exists for only 3 purposes: Porn, stalking people, and delusional perceptions of grandeur. As for the second one, have you noticed that Friendster has installed little horoscope icons to show your "status" with your friends? I signed in the other day and, I swear to god, I was in the red with everyone. There was no high flying or smooth sailing for me. And I'm not even in the same continent as most the people.

There are loud speakers posted around my school, and from about 8am to 630pm they project various music and announcements throughout the day. They're particularly fond of 'Hotel California', 'My Heart Will Go On', and 'Oops... I did it again'. It drove me insane for the first couple days but now it's just blended into the rest of the background noise.

I found a copy of Apple's 1984 commercial and downloaded it. All the people unemotionally marching under a big screen tv reminds me of China. It's pretty impressive; they've even got the guy wearing a facemask. Only I'm not the one running with the sledgehammer. That person simply doesn't exist in the People's Republic of China.

"Today, we celebrate the first glorious anniversary of the Information Purification Directives. We have created, for the first time in all history, a garden of pure ideology. Where each worker may bloom secure from the pests purveying contradictory truths. Our Unification of Thoughts is more powerful a weapon than any fleet or army on earth. We are one people, with one will, one resolve, one cause. Our enemies shall talk themselves to death and we will bury them with their own confusion. We shall prevail!" *

I think those were the same words used during the last Standing Committee of the National People's Congress.