doctor!

Tomorrow is my last day of work and I think I should point out now that I have absolutely no training as a teacher.

However, I do know there are some things one should probably never do in a classroom:
1.) Walk in humming "Don't Stand So Close To Me" by The Police
2.) Say, "What the hell is that supposed to be?"
3.) Run your hands through your hair and declare, "I simply can't do this right now."

I've done all of the above. But in my defense 1.) The Police tune is pretty catchy. 2.) I was a little hung over and tired and I mostly just mumbled that under my breathe. 3.) I was supposed to teach about adverb usage. Quite frankly, I really don't think that matters. One of the best ad campaigns of this century is based on incorrect adverb usage (Think Different) so I really don't think it's all that important.

My students color and draw a lot. I mostly allow this. Only because I think suppressing artistic creativity is much more damaging than not learning English. Look at Hitler. So, if in twenty years we're all confronted with a bunch of artistic Koreans, you'll know why.

In recent weeks I've resorted to playing cards with my students. Go Fish was big, but they're all a bunch of cheaters. We've been playing a lot of Egyptian Ratscrew. They like the slapping. I did end up teaching a pair of brothers Blackjack, but only because they begged me. It's not like I made them bet their lunch money away.

I've taught all my students how to make paper airplanes and a few of the special ones now know how to shoot a rubber band in the straightest, most accurate way. There's a game that in America we call finger football. You fold up a piece of paper into a triangle and take turns trying to hit it over the 'goal posts' created by your friend's hands. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. Yeah, we've played that too.

They found my iPod one day. I had them listening to Harry Nilsson's 'Coconut". They all thought it was hilarious. I figured most of my music is inappropriate, so I only really let them listen to Joni Mitchell's 'Circle Game'. But that shit makes me want to cry, so we couldn't listen to it for too long.

I realize these have little educational value, but at least they hear me speak English. That's my justification.

When I was subbing that Halloween party back in October there was a classic moment. One of the students took a balloon and batted it my way saying, "Teacher!". I perked up and hit it back before my assistant teacher grabbed it out of midair shouting, "We don't play these games in class!" Way to ruin a potentially great game of bat the balloon.

I have enjoyed teaching though. It's been kind of interesting. I wouldn't want to pursue it for the rest of my life or anything, but it's been fun. And the most I've worked has been 23 hours a week, and really, that's not bad.

So, I'll leave you with this. As you know I was looking for a replacement teacher. I found one, but I did get this email today:


My mother language is english, actualy i am newzealander but my father is Iranian, so I could speack persian and a little germany too. but i could speack english fluently.


I'm convinced.