China is cold, so everyone is bundled up when they walk around now. Poofy coats are in. Today I saw a small woman in an enormous poofy coat, beanie hat, scarf, and gloves waddle down the street. She had a bag of steamed, stuffed buns in one hand and was eating one with the other.
I leave tomorrow, so this is really the last time I can make fun of the Chinese directly. After this it will just be blatant racism.
The big news in China over the past month, hasn't been the riots in the south, but the pandas. And I've decided China would be a lot easier to handle if the Chinese were furry. They're already pretty cute in their poofy jackets and stuff when they're not spitting and pushing etc, but if they resembled fuzzy toys or pandas, it would be almost adorable.
People have been asking me if I'll keep up the blog once I leave. I'm not quite sure. Maybe. Probably. I tend to spend a lot of time online and get bored. Hopefully this will be my last blog in China. I highly doubt I'll be blogging if I somehow am unable to leave the country tomorrow, but you never know.
I'm currently trying to jam all my stuff into my bags. A couple years ago I was having a conversation with a friend of mine on returning to America. We were talking about how much stuff we had brought back from China and what a bitch it was getting through the airport. After China I spent a semester in Sydney and she spent a semester in London. Her observation was this:
"Isn't it funny that you cry when you leave China and you cry when you leave England or Australia but they're for entirely different reasons."
I was notified yesterday that I won a drawing for 300 kuai worth of vouchers at a restaurant/bar (lot of good that will do me now, I'll go later tonight.) Anyway, I went to go pick them up today. As I was walking into the gate of the office building I tripped. I didn't get my hands out in time so I fell flat on my face and my nose bumped against the pavement. As I was groping around trying to stand up while making sure blood wasn't gushing from my face, I noticed the guards feet out of the corner of my eye. It was a pretty hard fall. My nose didn't bleed, but it is a bit swollen now and although this country has kept me sick for the past 2 months, I am somehow finding it harder to breathe. If it's still a problem when I get back stateside I'll check it out.
Anyway, this guard saw me fall. He watched me struggling on the ground and sit there checking for blood. He never offered to help, he didn't ask if I was okay, he didn't even laugh. He just stood there watching me. I wanted to cry then for a number of reasons.
I don't have any final words or anything about China, but I'll leave you with this:
When I first moved into my apartment in Shanghai my roommate and I were talking and she was asking me what I was doing in China. I told her I'd studied Chinese in college and I'd been traveling since graduation, and I really had nothing else to do this year. Her reply was, "Ah China. They'll always accept you."
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
ok le
So I'm leaving China soon. I don't think it's quite dawned on me yet. Last weekend I was wondering why I was still here. It seemed like I should have been gone ages ago, and now I feel like I'm not leaving.
I think most of the reason I travel so much is because I love the culture shock I get on coming back to America. Fat people, enormous cars, warehouse shopping, copious amounts of disgusting food... Although now I can mentally prepare myself so it's not as strong. That's why I have to stay away longer and longer. Like a drug.
I'd really like to have no preparation at all. If someone could just kidnap me in my sleep and wake me up in Cosco that would be great. Followed by an enormous meal at Outback Steakhouse and then a swing by an Old Navy and an Office Max on the way to the local Megaplex. That alone would be enough for me to go straight into shock. Somewhere around the entrance of the Megaplex my legs would collapse under themselves and I'd fall into my tub of popcorn sobbing for days on end.
Or the amount of calories consumed in that day would clog my veins to allow only the minimum amount of blood necessary for survival to reach my brain. I'd walk around in a drug liked state unattainable on just MSG and find amusement in the purple and pink designs on the Megaplex wallpaper.
So, someone keep that in mind next time I'm abroad: "Drug Nicole and bring her to middle America without her knowledge."
But I'm pretty convinced I may be killed before I leave the country. The other day I was crossing the street and a cab spun around my corner. The tire actually ran over the tip of my shoe and my clothing brushed against it while it passed. I was pretty unphased by the whole event. I just kept walking. What is more likely to happen is that I'll return home and the realization of all my near-death experiences in China will come flooding back to me and I'll curl up into a ball in the corner of Customs and cry for days on end.
China will wait until last minute though. As I'm boarding the plane another passenger will lean on the controls to the hanger separating it just enough that I will plunge to my death - falling head first into a shipment of cocktail umbrellas. The cocktail umbrellas won't kill me, I'll choke to death on a sesame cake I felt I needed to have last minute.
So some people seem to think I'm "depressed". He writes about my blog on December 2nd. If you scroll down what he says is in English. You can read my response in the comment section.
Yes, I finally got Google Analytics up. I can now spy on who comes to this blog. Where you click from, who your internet provider is, what suburb you're in, even the type of browser, OS, and the number of pixels on your screen. I am god of this website.
Mostly I've just learned how most of my friends and family spend their work days. And since most of them work for a government organization, you can be assured that your tax dollars are going to a good cause - MSG FX baby.
So anyway, I'll get back to America, and I'll go out for a drink (although I get in at 8am), and someone will be bound to ask me the inevitable question:
"So, how was China?"
And I'll sit there, and I'll think about everything that's happened here. All my frustrations, all the annoying times, the smell, the noise, the pollution, the spitting, people pushing, etc. And I'll give the only response I can (and ever) give:
"Yeah, not bad."
I think most of the reason I travel so much is because I love the culture shock I get on coming back to America. Fat people, enormous cars, warehouse shopping, copious amounts of disgusting food... Although now I can mentally prepare myself so it's not as strong. That's why I have to stay away longer and longer. Like a drug.
I'd really like to have no preparation at all. If someone could just kidnap me in my sleep and wake me up in Cosco that would be great. Followed by an enormous meal at Outback Steakhouse and then a swing by an Old Navy and an Office Max on the way to the local Megaplex. That alone would be enough for me to go straight into shock. Somewhere around the entrance of the Megaplex my legs would collapse under themselves and I'd fall into my tub of popcorn sobbing for days on end.
Or the amount of calories consumed in that day would clog my veins to allow only the minimum amount of blood necessary for survival to reach my brain. I'd walk around in a drug liked state unattainable on just MSG and find amusement in the purple and pink designs on the Megaplex wallpaper.
So, someone keep that in mind next time I'm abroad: "Drug Nicole and bring her to middle America without her knowledge."
But I'm pretty convinced I may be killed before I leave the country. The other day I was crossing the street and a cab spun around my corner. The tire actually ran over the tip of my shoe and my clothing brushed against it while it passed. I was pretty unphased by the whole event. I just kept walking. What is more likely to happen is that I'll return home and the realization of all my near-death experiences in China will come flooding back to me and I'll curl up into a ball in the corner of Customs and cry for days on end.
China will wait until last minute though. As I'm boarding the plane another passenger will lean on the controls to the hanger separating it just enough that I will plunge to my death - falling head first into a shipment of cocktail umbrellas. The cocktail umbrellas won't kill me, I'll choke to death on a sesame cake I felt I needed to have last minute.
So some people seem to think I'm "depressed". He writes about my blog on December 2nd. If you scroll down what he says is in English. You can read my response in the comment section.
Yes, I finally got Google Analytics up. I can now spy on who comes to this blog. Where you click from, who your internet provider is, what suburb you're in, even the type of browser, OS, and the number of pixels on your screen. I am god of this website.
Mostly I've just learned how most of my friends and family spend their work days. And since most of them work for a government organization, you can be assured that your tax dollars are going to a good cause - MSG FX baby.
So anyway, I'll get back to America, and I'll go out for a drink (although I get in at 8am), and someone will be bound to ask me the inevitable question:
"So, how was China?"
And I'll sit there, and I'll think about everything that's happened here. All my frustrations, all the annoying times, the smell, the noise, the pollution, the spitting, people pushing, etc. And I'll give the only response I can (and ever) give:
"Yeah, not bad."
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Thursday, December 08, 2005
imagine...
Well it's finally happened. The question that's been over 2000 years in the making:
Can Jesus beat the Terminator?
I've actually been feeling a little excited to come back to America. Or I was. And I'm never, never excited to come back to America. I may lie and say I am, but I'm not. And reading the headlines this morning about the poor bi-polar being shot in the airport, I'm actually a little nervous. So I'm going to give this disclaimer, in case anything happens to me in the airports of America next week:
1.) The odd smell coming from my luggage is just China.
2.) The reason I was giving you a hard time about handling my bags is because you were breaking all my xmas gifts.
3.) I was running around waving my arms around in the air because I finally had enough space to do so without hitting another human being.
I know we're trying to keep our 'national security' tight, but couldn't they have just shot him in the foot or something?
Also, I had a dream about John Lennon last night, totally unaware that today is the anniversary of his death. MSG induced? I think so.
Can Jesus beat the Terminator?
I've actually been feeling a little excited to come back to America. Or I was. And I'm never, never excited to come back to America. I may lie and say I am, but I'm not. And reading the headlines this morning about the poor bi-polar being shot in the airport, I'm actually a little nervous. So I'm going to give this disclaimer, in case anything happens to me in the airports of America next week:
1.) The odd smell coming from my luggage is just China.
2.) The reason I was giving you a hard time about handling my bags is because you were breaking all my xmas gifts.
3.) I was running around waving my arms around in the air because I finally had enough space to do so without hitting another human being.
I know we're trying to keep our 'national security' tight, but couldn't they have just shot him in the foot or something?
Also, I had a dream about John Lennon last night, totally unaware that today is the anniversary of his death. MSG induced? I think so.
doctor!
Tomorrow is my last day of work and I think I should point out now that I have absolutely no training as a teacher.
However, I do know there are some things one should probably never do in a classroom:
1.) Walk in humming "Don't Stand So Close To Me" by The Police
2.) Say, "What the hell is that supposed to be?"
3.) Run your hands through your hair and declare, "I simply can't do this right now."
I've done all of the above. But in my defense 1.) The Police tune is pretty catchy. 2.) I was a little hung over and tired and I mostly just mumbled that under my breathe. 3.) I was supposed to teach about adverb usage. Quite frankly, I really don't think that matters. One of the best ad campaigns of this century is based on incorrect adverb usage (Think Different) so I really don't think it's all that important.
My students color and draw a lot. I mostly allow this. Only because I think suppressing artistic creativity is much more damaging than not learning English. Look at Hitler. So, if in twenty years we're all confronted with a bunch of artistic Koreans, you'll know why.
In recent weeks I've resorted to playing cards with my students. Go Fish was big, but they're all a bunch of cheaters. We've been playing a lot of Egyptian Ratscrew. They like the slapping. I did end up teaching a pair of brothers Blackjack, but only because they begged me. It's not like I made them bet their lunch money away.
I've taught all my students how to make paper airplanes and a few of the special ones now know how to shoot a rubber band in the straightest, most accurate way. There's a game that in America we call finger football. You fold up a piece of paper into a triangle and take turns trying to hit it over the 'goal posts' created by your friend's hands. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. Yeah, we've played that too.
They found my iPod one day. I had them listening to Harry Nilsson's 'Coconut". They all thought it was hilarious. I figured most of my music is inappropriate, so I only really let them listen to Joni Mitchell's 'Circle Game'. But that shit makes me want to cry, so we couldn't listen to it for too long.
I realize these have little educational value, but at least they hear me speak English. That's my justification.
When I was subbing that Halloween party back in October there was a classic moment. One of the students took a balloon and batted it my way saying, "Teacher!". I perked up and hit it back before my assistant teacher grabbed it out of midair shouting, "We don't play these games in class!" Way to ruin a potentially great game of bat the balloon.
I have enjoyed teaching though. It's been kind of interesting. I wouldn't want to pursue it for the rest of my life or anything, but it's been fun. And the most I've worked has been 23 hours a week, and really, that's not bad.
So, I'll leave you with this. As you know I was looking for a replacement teacher. I found one, but I did get this email today:
My mother language is english, actualy i am newzealander but my father is Iranian, so I could speack persian and a little germany too. but i could speack english fluently.
I'm convinced.
However, I do know there are some things one should probably never do in a classroom:
1.) Walk in humming "Don't Stand So Close To Me" by The Police
2.) Say, "What the hell is that supposed to be?"
3.) Run your hands through your hair and declare, "I simply can't do this right now."
I've done all of the above. But in my defense 1.) The Police tune is pretty catchy. 2.) I was a little hung over and tired and I mostly just mumbled that under my breathe. 3.) I was supposed to teach about adverb usage. Quite frankly, I really don't think that matters. One of the best ad campaigns of this century is based on incorrect adverb usage (Think Different) so I really don't think it's all that important.
My students color and draw a lot. I mostly allow this. Only because I think suppressing artistic creativity is much more damaging than not learning English. Look at Hitler. So, if in twenty years we're all confronted with a bunch of artistic Koreans, you'll know why.
In recent weeks I've resorted to playing cards with my students. Go Fish was big, but they're all a bunch of cheaters. We've been playing a lot of Egyptian Ratscrew. They like the slapping. I did end up teaching a pair of brothers Blackjack, but only because they begged me. It's not like I made them bet their lunch money away.
I've taught all my students how to make paper airplanes and a few of the special ones now know how to shoot a rubber band in the straightest, most accurate way. There's a game that in America we call finger football. You fold up a piece of paper into a triangle and take turns trying to hit it over the 'goal posts' created by your friend's hands. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. Yeah, we've played that too.
They found my iPod one day. I had them listening to Harry Nilsson's 'Coconut". They all thought it was hilarious. I figured most of my music is inappropriate, so I only really let them listen to Joni Mitchell's 'Circle Game'. But that shit makes me want to cry, so we couldn't listen to it for too long.
I realize these have little educational value, but at least they hear me speak English. That's my justification.
When I was subbing that Halloween party back in October there was a classic moment. One of the students took a balloon and batted it my way saying, "Teacher!". I perked up and hit it back before my assistant teacher grabbed it out of midair shouting, "We don't play these games in class!" Way to ruin a potentially great game of bat the balloon.
I have enjoyed teaching though. It's been kind of interesting. I wouldn't want to pursue it for the rest of my life or anything, but it's been fun. And the most I've worked has been 23 hours a week, and really, that's not bad.
So, I'll leave you with this. As you know I was looking for a replacement teacher. I found one, but I did get this email today:
My mother language is english, actualy i am newzealander but my father is Iranian, so I could speack persian and a little germany too. but i could speack english fluently.
I'm convinced.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
falling leaves
There's a part in the movie The Land Before Time, when a dinosaur steps on a leaf and it crushes into a bunch of bits.
I'm not entirely sure what the weather is like in the rest of the world, I'm guessing since it's December there's probably snow and stuff, but in Shanghai it's still autumn weather. So I was walking around this morning stamping on leaves to try and get them to crush into a bunch of little pieces. I think it rained earlier this morning though, so none of them were really crunching. I think the locals got a kick out of watching me though.
I also managed to get this shot. It was pretty beautiful. I've been told this has been the worst air Shanghai has had in 4 years. I highly doubt that, but I can tell it's really bad. Like when I go jogging it's that much harder. So the city has been looking pretty crap, but this was a nice moment on Changle Lu.
This is what my street should look like, but as I think I posted earlier they chopped off all the branches on my trees. If you click on this photo and then go to the next photo up on my Flickr page, you can see my lovely stubs.
I'm not entirely sure what the weather is like in the rest of the world, I'm guessing since it's December there's probably snow and stuff, but in Shanghai it's still autumn weather. So I was walking around this morning stamping on leaves to try and get them to crush into a bunch of little pieces. I think it rained earlier this morning though, so none of them were really crunching. I think the locals got a kick out of watching me though.
I also managed to get this shot. It was pretty beautiful. I've been told this has been the worst air Shanghai has had in 4 years. I highly doubt that, but I can tell it's really bad. Like when I go jogging it's that much harder. So the city has been looking pretty crap, but this was a nice moment on Changle Lu.
This is what my street should look like, but as I think I posted earlier they chopped off all the branches on my trees. If you click on this photo and then go to the next photo up on my Flickr page, you can see my lovely stubs.
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