Impeach Bush

NY Times ~ The Guardian ~ The Australian

Three different continents, same story. I would have more countries in more languages but my computer is too slow tonight...


Not like I really think any of this is news, but now it's official. Again. Is four more years really necessary?

http://www.impeach-bush-now.org

我和中国

My mother, and most of my extended family, are now aware of this blog. I was going to gradually try to turn it into a soft-core porn site, but those plans will have to be put on hold. So, if you've noticed the new edition, I've had to resort to advertising as my supplemental income. And FT China told me to do it. So please feel free to visit any of my sponsors. Don't worry, this doesn't mean any change in content, you can still look forward to sexual innuendos, blatant racism, and allusions to drugs.

I reached two conclusions this past weekend. The first is that I need to get out of China as soon as possible to maintain any kind of sanity or grasp with the real world. The second is that I am never going to leave China.

I lied earlier about first becoming interested in China when I visited here 9 years ago. It started earlier than that. I went to a bit of an alternative school for a while. Well, alternative for America. They actually taught Asian Studies. I thought it was pretty neat. So when I was choosing my major I seriously considered Asian Studies. Fortunately, I chose the broader option of International Relations instead. But as part of the IR major we had to choose a region to study more in depth. So I chose Asia. I was always interested in Chinese history and culture and all that but I was never very interested in actually learning the language, but I had to for my major. And if you ask anyone who was ever in a Chinese class with me, they'll confirm that I did a half assed job of it. Enough to get me to Beijing for a semester of studying 3 years ago, but I was pretty weak. Always late for class, simple sentences, sleeping in class, all of it.

Anyway, after my semester in Beijing I kind of dropped out of Asia for a while. I went to Sydney for a semester, then came back to America for a year to finish my degree. Went to London for 6 months, back to Sydney, South Africa for a spell. Had a great time doing all of it, but China was always eating at me, like I should be here. Only because I felt that I had invested so much effort in China that I should definitely go back and give it a chance. So that's why I'm in Lin'an. I'm moving to Shanghai, but since I did such a half-assed job learning the language before, I have to isolate myself for a bit to get it down. So that's why I'm here. China and I have a bit of a love/hate relationship.

There are certain words you only hear in China. Delegation, banquet, and autonomous are all examples. This past weekend I was talking to someone who had only been in the country a couple weeks. He was telling me how he couldn't watch the English TV here because all they talked about was the 'foreign delegations' and 'economic summits'. I saw nothing wrong with this. That's why I have to get out of China very soon.

Only I don't know where to go. Last night I was sure I'd be in Amsterdam next year. This morning it was back to Sydney. I hover between the UK, Amsterdam, Australia, and South East Asia. Occasionally I think I’ll just move to New York or San Francisco. But then I remember I’m boycotting America for the next 4 years. I change my mind almost hourly. This morning I was looking up immigration to Australia before class. I came back to my room and saw post it notes with Oz immigration info written on them and had no idea what I was thinking. And since I'll never be able to decide where to go next, I'll be stuck in China for the rest of my life. Investing more time and more of my life into this loud, over populated country.

Far from the Maddening Crowds

There are 56 seperately defined ethnic groups in China. The Han nationality is the largest group making up 95% of the population. Other notable minority groups include, but aren't limited to, the Tibetans, the Monguls, the Uighurs, and the Dai.
I know this because I've read it about 7000 times before. It's also in TV ads, on billboards, and if you ask any Chinese person they'll be happy to recite that information to you.
The current population of China is a little unclear. My students say 1.6 billion, official texts say 1.3 billion, but irregardless, if 1 million Chinese were to drop dead every day for the next year, it would still be the most populated country in the world. In fact it would probably take about a week and a half before anyone realized something was going on. For a land mass roughly the same size as the continental USA it has over four times as many people.

Here is an example of what it feels like to be on the streets of China. If you live in San Francisco, New York, Sydney, London, or anywhere else with an established Chinatown, you already kind of know the feeling:

Gather together the following CD's:
Christmas hits (The Musak version), The Best of Yoddeling, any heavy hip-hop or rap, The 1812 Overture.
Go to the middle of the New York Stock Exchange right before close, put on all 4 cd's and crank them up to as high as they possibly can go.
Now get 20 of your friends to read out the following, starting at different areas in the paragraph:

HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! LAO WAI HELLOMISTER WAIGUOREN MA NI SHI BU YAO HELLO HELLO HAHAHAHAHAHAHA WEI LAO WAI HELLOMADAM LOOKALOOKA HELLO HAHAHAHA LAOWAI CD DVD WAIGUOREN KAN TA HELLLLOOOOOOOOOO HAHAHAHAHAHAHA WO TA SHIBUSHI LAO WAI HAHAHAHAHA NI HUI SHUO ZHONGWENHUA HELLOOOOOO

Try to get a bunch of diesel engine cars and motorcycles to drive through the stock exchange constantly pounding on their horns. Also, if there is the constant noise of construction in the background, including jack hammers, this helps. And if you get at least 10 people to hawk a loagie and spit it at your feet randomly, that's also good.

Now multiply this level of noise by 10, and your almost at the Chinese level.

But that's just the noise.

So think back to the most crowded public transportation you've ever been on. Add 10 times as many people. Now have them all staring, with mouths open, gawking, and pointing at you. Now although you were pretty sure you were unable to move in this crowded subway or bus, have it so you're some how simulateously being pulled and pushed, pinched, groped. Have small children and dogs run around your feet. And make sure some random person is petting your hair.

Now, take all the smog in Manhattan and put it into this little subway car or bus. Have a bunch of men constantly blow cigarette smoke in your face. And just have a fire going somewhere for no reason.

Now the smell. The worst BO you've ever come across, pollution, cigarettes, raw sewage, wet dog, cooked dog, decay, burning rubber, and Chinese food. All mixed together.

This is what it feels like on every street in China. Which was why Starbucks was so nice. But see, none of this matters, because in about a week you learn to block out all external stimuli. So the only way for someone to get your attention is to grab you, shake you back and forth, while holding your chin and waving their hand in front of your eyes, yelling your name. Only then will you emerge from the happy land inside your mind of beaches and isolation.

For the next year, 1,000,000 people a day could die and it would still be this way. Only probably with a much worse smell.

The Brains of a Bush

This man dropped out of the University of Utah.
He is now ruling America.

Coltrane and China

After I finished my blog yesterday I went and had some instant noodles and then took an unplanned three-hour nap. I think instant noodles are the best for instant msg gratification. My nap was a surreal trance of crazy dreams involving spaceships. Where else can your 10-cent meal throw you into a catatonic, hallucinogenic bliss for the next 3 hours? MSG, the other dime bag.

So China is probably one of the most racist countries I've been in. And I'm saying this after spending most of last year in Australia and South Africa. I've been getting pretty tired of hearing about how black people are dangerous and hip-hop artists are all criminals. Especially since Chinese hip-hop is so big. So, in what may be my only edifying moment as a teacher, I decided to try and do something about these stereotypes. Unfortunately stereotype doesn't translate very well in Chinese, and the Chinese in general don't seem to grasp the meaning very well.

Last week we watched 'The Terminal' in class, because I was too lazy to properly teach and it was the cleanest dvd I own. I don't actually care for the movie that much. Anyway, if you've seen it, there's a bit of a jazz theme. So I used this jazz theme that had already been introduced to elaborate a bit and introduce some culture. Since everyone gets caught up in the Tang Dynasty and Buddhism in China, most people forget to realize that most Chinese have very little culture themselves. Also, Chinese popular music sucks. I'd like to listen to some decent stuff in public for a change. So I introduced the history of jazz and then kind of moved into stereotypes, etc.

I don't think all of them got it. I tried to have them name some stereotypes about China. They got ping-pong and short and thin right, but then they tried to add, "China is the most populated country." No, that's a fact. So I tried to make the distinction between fact and stereotype but I still think most the class left without a clue. Oh well, whatever. There was a thought.

Shanghai Baby!

Alright, so you know when several people walk across a grassy or vegetated area on a regular basis a path is formed that wasn't there before? Well, one of the first weeks I was in Lin'an, some of the other English teachers were showing me around and talking about which 'path created by treading' is the fastest to such and such place, and so on. At the time I realized that it was probably since they had already been in Lin'an for 6 months that they actually cared to have this conversation, not that they were actually insane.
Anyway, the other day as I was walking back from class, I found myself not only thinking about the 'created path' I was walking on, but thinking ahead to which one would be the best bet later in my journey to my apartment.

I needed to get out of Lin'an. It was desperate. So I went to Shanghai this weekend. And I did my damage. No, I didn't just blow off my Sunday class, I actually woke up and somehow pulled myself to it this morning, but I only went in to Shanghai for about 24 hours. I left Sunday afternoon and came back Saturday evening. I decided to forfeit sleeping while there; I can sleep when I die, or when I'm in Lin'an. So I went to the city, to the chaos, and had a nice, urban Friday evening. I drank alcohol that wasn't beer - yay! I bought my cheese, I ate only western food, I had a kebab, I went to Starbucks. It was awesome. I never go to Starbucks anywhere else in the world, but there was something strangely comforting about having my hot chocolate and muffin there Saturday morning. Knowing that in any other Starbucks in the world it would be the exact same hot chocolate and muffin. Most of the other clientele were not Chinese. The soundtrack was the same blues/jazz compilation you find in any Starbucks in the world. And it was probably the quietest place in China. Nobody was yelling, or spitting, or staring. I actually didn't think I would move from that coffee shop ever again. I still can't believe I came back to Lin'an. So anyway, it was a good 24 hours. I talked to normal people, I got out, I can't wait to move there. Fucking amazing city. And, since I'm a huge nerd I also hit up the foreign language bookstore.

So when I said earlier I used to be in to Eastern philosophies, I don't mean in that get a tattoo that you don't understand, wear drawstring pants, vegan for spiritual reasons, member of the local monastery, 'yeah dude... Daoism' kind of way. I just mean I was interested in them.
My late father, was also 'in to them'. In the academic, intellectual, not only have a monthly book club, but also a monthly paper club (apparently you draft up a paper and present it to your peers each month), I also am 'in to' Rousseau, Homer, and read a lot of James Joyce kind of way. Anyway, he gifted, me and all my siblings copies of the Dao De Ching when we were growing up. I always knew that it was probably a secret desire of his to read all these ancient works in their native language. My French is hopeless, my Latin is worse, and I really just don't like James Joyce, but I think I can handle Lao Zi. I was supposed to read it last time I was in China, but I was too drunk. So I picked up a copy while in Shanghai. It may piss me off, but I'll do it for my Dad. It can't hurt. Maybe I'll even grasp some deeper meaning.

I've finished all the course books I brought with me, so I had to get some new stuff. So now my Chinese reading material consists of not only the Dao De Ching, but also Lu Xun's Wild Grass, the Foreign Trade Law of the PRC, and April's edition of China Cosmo. I have to say, I find the last one absolutely riveting. To the point where I've barely opened the others. Cosmopolitan is good because you can read about about things you don't normally find in most textbooks and classic works. Like, how best to use pink makeup. Or the female orgasm. It's true, when I started reading the article entitled 'The Secret Garden' I didn't realize that's what I was actually getting into. But once I figured it out (that took about 10 seconds) I was captivated.

So pay close attention because I'm about to teach you the most important Chinese lesson you'll ever have. 'G-Spot' in Chinese is 'G 点(dian)'. 点 also means dot, point, or light.
Understanding is always the first step.

And we eat them.

Investment Bubble in China
An investment binge could produce unneeded
factories and underused highways, weakening
China's already shaky financial system.

See this:

Ignoring the suggestive part of the image, all those building are EMPTY. 没有人。

Ducks are Perverts

As you can see from my recent flickr pictures, I've bailed out on China and am now living it up in Sydney. Haha, no I'm just uploading my past now. I don't really want to be in Sydney - sunshine, good wine, nice cheese, thai food, good looking people. No, not for me. I'll stick with Lin'an.

I had my first Chinese date last night. I wasn't that I was so interested in the guy, more of a mixture of curiosity, boredom, and amusement. Plus I was totally trapped into it. This happens everywhere in the world. I usually find myself on dates without realizing that's what was happening. I'm not sure if it's comforting or disturbing to know that the Chinese have also mastered the art of elusive dating. I think we, or at least I, decided this date isn't going to lead anywhere, but here's the quote of the night:

"The Bible? That's a famous book, yes?"

Don't ask me how the conversation turned to theology. Actually I know how, he was asking why it's called an Adam's apple and that was sadly my second religious conversation of the day.

I was talking to a teacher in the economics department earlier that day who had studied at one of the University of London's colleges. He was asking me if I had a religion. I told him no and he said he had found one while in London. Apparantly he had joined up with the Jehovah's Witnesses in an attempt to learn English. I think that kind of sums up religion in China.

I used to be really interested in Daoism and Buddhism and Confucious and all that until I started actually learning Chinese. The English translations are much more deep and interesting than any of the works in Chinese. Nowadays, all the young people in China just think all of those philosophies are silly superstitions and holding China back from fully developing. The older Chinese still kind of adhere to them but not in the deep, guru way that most of the Western world pictures. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon has an entirely different meaning in Chinese. Which also came up on my date last night. Not the movie, but the idea of the Dragon (which takes some explaining I'm not getting into now) and how if the Chinese hold on to that ideal they'll never progress to the level of the West (his words, not mine.)

Anyway, I guess my point is the China was a much more magical and exciting place before I started learning Chinese and living here. But that probably happens anywhere. Actually, I know that happens everywhere.

In other news, I was called into my bosses office today. At first I thought I was getting fired - almost hoped - but no, they just wanted to add an extra class on Sunday morning from 830-11. Man a whole 14 hour week now. I'm not sure if I can handle it. Actually, that news really ruined my day. I've been planning a weekend escape to Shanghai since before I even arrived in Lin'an. And since I've been here I've been dreaming about it more than cheese. I was going to go to Shanghai this weekend, eat cheese, buy cheese to bring back with me, buy other necessities you probably all take for granted on a daily basis, and get completely and totally fcked up western style. I was going to risk getting my stomach pumped in China. But now, I have a class Sunday morning, so I can't go this weekend. I'd rather work a 60 hour week M-F than the extra 2.5 hours on Sunday morning...

Actually, I would have been in Shanghai weeks ago but I haven't had my passport which is necessary if you want to travel within China. I finally got it back along with my year long residence permit for a foriegner. I can now come and go from China as I please for the next year. A little scary.

Anyway, since you've made it through this terribly written blog, I'll leave you with some interesting reading material:
Necrophilia among ducks ruffles research feathers

All I want is a little Fame?

http://smh.com.au/articles/2005/03/17/1110913718474.html


Totally unrelated:
Can you believe some french publication is suing Google News? And they scoff at america.

iChina

They have a drink here called Smart. It's made by Coca Cola, but I think it's probably banned in the rest of the world. It's green apple flavored, and I'm totally addicted to it. Fanta has another version, but I drink the Smart because I like the packaging (and once I get a camera working, I'll have a picture up.) Anyway, it only just occured to me the other day that it is green. Which probably isn't good for me at all. That's why I don't like Mountain Dew, plus Mountain Dew is just absolutely disgusting. But I guess I suck down green tea pretty regularly under the assumption that it's good for me.

Anyway, this brings me to my other favorite Apple, I found out the other day that I can get iTunes music store in China. This really suprised me because I couldn't get it when I was in the UK because it wasn't available to them yet, and I couldn't get in Australia either, because they don't have it at all. So apparantly BBC news, the Washington Post, and my blog are all of limits, but I'm free to waste my time on iTunes. However, when a DVD costs 99cents, paying that for a song seems like a bit of a rip off. So after about 2 hours using up my remaining music store gift certificates on music that will probably just end up depressing me and ruining my life anyway (note: since my internet connection is so slow, I only downloaded about 4 songs in this period) I ended up at various independent label websites, downloading free music that will definitely depress me and ruin my life. Then I got annoyed that I'd wasted half a day downloading music I shouldn't be listening to anyway because I should be studying Chinese, so that led me to various Chinese punk downloads... So now I have a bunch of depressing indie music and Chinese punk on my playlist. Very necessary.

Also, I think China is sucking the life out of everything I own. First it was my camera, and now my iPod doesn't seem to be doing so well. If it dies on me, I'm starting another revolution in China. Also, I may lose my computer soon because this connection is so slow I end up blaming my computer. But I can't stay mad at my little mac for too long. Actually, I'm getting a new one soon, but I'm holding out. I always get a feeling when Apple is about to release something really cool. Like I sensed the titaniums coming out, I could sense the iPod, and now I'm getting that feeling again. Like the invisible Powerbook or something.

Anyway, I'll leave you with a short Chinese lesson and those funny Chinese. 交际 (jiaoji) means communication. Only someone, who I think must have a crazy sense of humor, has decided to translate it as social intercourse in every chinese/english english/chinese dictionary. Which, of course is accurate, communication is social intercourse. Technically.
Anyway, my students have shortened this to just intercourse. I asked them what they thought the most difficult think would be in coming to a new country. Intercourse.

味精

MSG in Chinese consists of two characters - 味精。味 (wei) means flavor or taste. 精 (jing) means essence or refined. 精 Jing, incidentally, also means sperm.

I bruised the hell out of my wrists playing volleyball the other day. Now my arms look like a pathetic attempt at suicide. It's not that the game was that intense, it's that I haven't played volleyball in about 10 years. Well, the game wasn't intense until one of the girls teams from my college joined in. Then my half-assed attempt to watch the ball drop in front of me while wondering if this was all leading to post game drinks (it wasn't) became no longer acceptable. They were pretty good, but I'm pretty tall in comparison. The only difference is they probably didn't wake up with their wrists in excruciating pain. I bet that post game drink would have helped.

Anyway, now for a short political rant. Quoting The Economist:

"George Bush has nominated Paul Wolfowitz, one of the main architects of the Iraq war, to run the World Bank. Though this is normally America’s prerogative, Europeans and others may object to the candidacy of so hawkish a figure."

Unbelievable. We've got John Bolton, who doesn't even agree with the UN as our new ambassador to the UN, and a pugnacious warmonger to run the World Bank. Let's go USA! Have you heard of La Verkin, Utah? Can you believe I grew up in that state?

www.johntitor.strategicbrains.com

Okay, so if worldwide nuclear war were to break out, what city do you think would be the safest bet for survival:
1. New York
2. San Francisco
3. London
4. Shanghai
5. Hong Kong
6. Sydney
7. Melbourne
I'm going to bet either San Fran or Melbourne. Only because I think 'they'd' go for LA on the west coast, and if 'they' even bothered with Australia, it would be Sydney.

Also, for anyone who follows this currency exchange. What do you think the chances are of the RMB floating in the next year?

I think my camera has died on me, and if you saw it you wouldn't be suprised. I'm looking into Chinese ebay, but until I figure out the situation, my pictures - as amazing as I know they've been - won't be as frequent.

The Grilled Cheese Experiment

I inhaled some msg the other day. I was making instant noodles - i'm lazy - and when I opened the flavor packet some of it poofed out. It clung to the inside of my throat and lungs. I was coughing for about two minutes. I thought I might die.

I have been dreaming of cheese. It's pretty sad. I had a dream I was watching my mother, brother, and sister and law eating cheese. Sometimes I just dream of a some carrs and goat cheese. I dream of havarti, brie, gouda, even a good old block of chedder would be nice right now.
Unfortunately, the only cheese in Lin'an is this processed singles crap. I'd love some kraft or something right now, but instead I'm stuck with valumetric brand processed cheese. It claims to be from New Zealand. It's foul, but I'm desperate. One of my favorite meals is grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. This is normally an easy process involving a can opener and a toaster oven, but not in Lin'an. I attempted to make tomato soup from scratch. It wasn't too bad. More of a tomato paste, but it could have been worse. I think I added too much salt. The grilled cheese was interesting. I don't have a toaster. I don't even have a frying pan, so I had to use my wok. So what I ended up having for dinner was some salty tomato sludge, and a wok-grilled processed cheese sandwich. I may have to keep dreaming.

So I'm going to start to explain why I'm in China. When I was 15 years old I was supposed to spend my summer volunteering at an orphanage founded by Mother Theresa in Nepal. Unfortunately, the program was cancelled, and in an attempt to find something else to do that summer, my brother made an offhand comment about how China was a cool place to go, so I ended up on a student educational travel program from Beijing to Kunming. I could get into why I had to spend the summer in some far away country rather than watching tv like every other 15 year old in America, but that itself is another story.
So anyway, I ended up in China in the summer of 1996 and totally fell in love. I don't know why. I remember I was in the small village of Xiahe, it's in the Gansu province in western China but it's considered greater Tibet, because it is more culturally similar to Tibet. Anyway, we were talking to one of the monks in the monastary and he was telling us how a lot of the monks weren't 'real monks'. They were either people hiding from the government, or military spying on the monks activities. I found this fascinating that these two groups of people could be living side by side in such a situation. It later became painfully clear that this was the case, as we saw a number of monks getting drunk and pinching some of my friends asses as they walked by.
Anyway, I'm not in Xiahe now, I'm in Lin'an. It doesn't have the same charm, but it has something. Poorly made processed cheese.

italy

“You put so much stock in winning wars,” the grubby iniquitous old man scoffed. “The real trick lies in losing wars, in knowing which wars can be lost. Italy has been losing wars for centuries, and just see how splendidly we’ve done nevertheless. France wins wars and is in a continual state of crisis. Germany loses and prospers. Look at your own recent history. Italy won a war in Ethiopia and promptly stumbled into serious trouble. Victory gave us such insane delusions of grandeur that we helped start a world war we hadn’t a chance of winning. But now that we are losing again, everything has taken a turn for the better, and we will certainly come out on top again if we succeed in being defeated.
-Joseph Heller, Catch 22

usa

Since my internet connection, or china, is so slow, I think I have to post this twice. Anyway, What I wrote the last time was something along the lines of this:

China's censorship is well known and acknowledged. However, most people in america believe that they live in a 'free country'. Yes Lin'an is boring, and yes, sometimes I think it may be okay to return to us, but then I read something like this:


"Thank you, Bush. Thank you, U.S.A.," a jubilant Iraqi-American told a camera crew in Kansas City for a segment about reaction to the fall of Baghdad... Under the Bush administration, the federal government has aggressively used a well-established tool of public relations: the prepackaged, ready-to-serve news report that major corporations have long distributed to TV stations to pitch everything from headache remedies to auto insurance. In all, at least 20 federal agencies, including the Defense Department and the Census Bureau, have made and distributed hundreds of television news segments in the past four years, records and interviews show. Many were subsequently broadcast on local stations across the country without any acknowledgement of the government's role in their production.

No, I'm never coming back to America. Thank god for free press.

Anyway, in China news, Hu Jintao (aka HJ) has officially replaced Jiang Zemin (JZ) as Chairman of the State Central Military Commission. As some of you may know, JZ officially retired from his last post earlier this month. It was the end of an era in China. The new younger, communistcapitalist China has now taken hold. CCTV showed the official voting of the national congress on TV. It was great. They had the equivalent of 'Sunshine, Lollipops" playing while they showed the individual members vote. What I hadn't realized before is that the minority members actually come to Congress in their traditional clothing. All the world's a stage I guess. Especially China. Anyway, HJ's speach reaffirmed JZ's stance of upholding peace and protection for the people, for the country, and I didn't catch the last one because my Chinese is at that special stage where it takes me approximately 5 seconds to realize what people are talking about. By then I've missed about a third of the conversation since the Chinese speak so quickly.

In Lin'an news I woke up to snow yesterday. I was actually excited when I woke up because I could tell it was bright outside. I thought it was sunny, threw back my curtains and was met with rolling hills of snow. It all melted later that day. No, it wasn't sunny or warm, it's just that snow would rather melt than stay in Lin'an. Good idea. Now it's just cold and polluted here. Yet again.

Why China is great. Part 1.

So here's the great thing about China. I can write this blog, yet am censored from seeing it. Anyway, I tried to get my flickr pictures up on this and/or a link to them, but since I'm censored from seeing my own blog I'm not sure if it worked. So you can go here to see them. Right now all you get is my lovely apartment with the leopard print toilet (that came with it, I didn't install that.) And you can see some pictures from more exciting days in the much more exciting city of Shanghai. And, if my upload limit doesn't peak on me in the next couple days, which it most likely will, I'll get more pics up for whomever may be reading this lovely blog of my decent into insanity in the nether world of China suburbia. You can also go here for other Shanghai pics. I hope those are actually links and not just code.
So I'll leave you with this. I put up a picture of Yao Ming and Chrisina Aguilera and my students had to write 3 wishes for Yao and three for Christina: Christina wish to live forever young and her songs could be heard all over the world.
We all wish for that.

Li'nan China

Oh crap, It looks like what I wrote the first time didn't get put up. Anyway, I wrote about how I've always thought about a blog and now that I'm in the middle of nowhere (Lin'an, China) I have time to do it and that is why you are reading this right now. Anyway, the original was much more interesting and witty, but I just can't reproduce that kind of ingenuity. I think it involved something about rancid tofu. Oh yes, I had just unknowingly bought some rancid tofu earlier that day and because I was unable (or unwilling) to eat it, I ended up with a bag of MSG packed chips that looked like waffles to supplement my dinner. It was some good dreaming that night!!! Anyway, stay posted as you read my decent into madness aided by MSG...